Awkward Science

in the spring of 1989 this young chubby innocent lad had no way of knowing what would soon await him, hardening his outlook on life and the people around him



Not long ago, I commented how I enjoy an awkward silence. For me it can mean something unplanned and unusual can transform as chrysalis to connection. At its worst, participants might come out of it feeling like idiots but i've become used to that feeling. Out from the comfort zone, this moment may provide a sensation of life and the opportunity of the now. While we remember those that have become "arrrgh" memories, the interaction created from its unpredictable nature creates possibilities borne from that very awkward silence. Sure beats a generic "how are you"- but wait, you're walking away before I really tell you how I am"... Yes, at times it feels close to stumbling upon a mountain lion while taking a private pee in the woods. It's a way of looking at a glass half full. At least you got to pee. If every sentence here seems to contradict the previous, then it justifies what it took you guys 20 years to learn; your dad babbles.

Despite these gallant words, the truth is the glass is sometimes half empty. Half empty and getting drier by the second. If all things occur for a reason, then the reason still eludes me for the meaning behind the day of the most unpleasant of moments, (not involving someone hitting my face or bad tuna). I wish I could make the screen go fuzzy as I think back, way back, to an earlier day, a spring day in 1989.

I was managing a popular cafe that had an old soda fountain set beneath a large domed ceiling of glass to reflect a double rainbow. A good spring morning altered by the delivery of the day's mail, as clouds covering the color from my sky. A hand written letter addressed to me, writing unfamiliar, from New York. Fan mail, I joked. And yet, it was. A letter, from an ex-employee pledging her love and admiration, that we were meant to be "soul mates"... whaaaat? I need to backtrack. First this is an example how some events can occur completely without sense, and completely out of the blue. Secondly, this involves people i haven't spoken to in over a decade but if for some reason I do (see previous sentence), then this entry will quietly disappear.

She had worked at our store for less than four months, a summer before returning to New York for school. I did not consider this at the time but she was probably shy but she seemed contrary, unhappy, sarcastic and unwilling to participate. In my attempts to get her work to where we would have liked it to be, I felt frustrated and impatient. However for whatever unknown reason, this apparently was translated as the opposite in the space time continuum mixupuum opium? we existed in. I never could get much effort from her at work, certainly not enthusiasm but that was months ago, and I would not see her again.

So here's the odd part. She was the girlfriend of a good friend who also worked at another store.
He was someone who i became good friends with for our similar tastes in baseball and laughing at people. (as everyone knows now, today I laugh with people). We created the Hall of Legends, a silly way to pay tribute to past and present legendary ice cream scoopers. People didn't get the joke as we were shocked to have them lobby for themselves or others. One of the owners insisted we place his mother up on the wall (not so far fetched really).

I was stunned to read the letter- it took me minutes to recall who was writing it. It was inconceivable that there could be any misinterpretation of our relationship (I think I know how any friendly barista, usually female can find themselves in this undesired place). Feeling completely thrown, I looked up to see my friend, walking in to visit me. Now?? What were the chances- NOW??! He was in a great mood happy to hang out. I was completely ill at ease and ill altogether, hurriedly jamming the letter in to my back pocket. I poured him a cup of coffee, we sat, I tried to make small talk, acting as if I was acting, then excused myself to compose myself in back.

Minutes later, when I returned, ready to visit, deciding against disclosing the fiasco, my friend seemed agitated, as if he had had 20 cups of coffee in the few moments that I had left. His voice, brittle and fighting himself, stabbed these words:
"when you got up, you dropped a piece of paper. I was going to bring it to you but the writing looked familiar.."
My eyes lept over him, across the street. My tongue swung backwards hiding behind my tonsils. My heart sunk, crashing into my undergarments but that was not my heart. My breath, strangled. He continued,
"what the fuck is going on?!
How do you say that you have no idea? How do you say that you were 100% clueless? How do you say "I never liked her- I thought she was a zombie?" How do you say anything?

Awkward Silence. It stinks.


early picture of me, 1967. like the kid in Eight is Enough, pretty much the same shaggy haircut for the first 25 years of my life

Make The Sale

It's a relief to be back from my trip to Egypt. Chaos! I was sent over by Pitney to renew our contract with the Egyptian government negotiating for another 30 years and to showcase our new stamp machines. The PBowles XRGood600 is lighter, faster with max RAM as no other stamp machine has had before.

Apparently some people over there aren't happy about their President signing up for another score and 10, which to me is just plain nuts. If we had the smarts to have had a President for 30 years we could have had President Reagan for another 22, and he would only have been dead for six of those years,- but think about all he could have accomplished. America would have ended poverty!! (sending the poor to Haiti and New Orleans). Changing our minds every 4-8 years is nuts, and a waste of time. In 2012 we'll go back to a conservative candidate, get sick of him, and change our minds in 2016. Vote 'em out of office? That's a waste of paper and effort- just feeds into repeating the cycle. Better to keep 'em in office; keep the same guy around and you don't have to bother with the responsibility of making decisions. How many evenings are wasted cramming through the election books?- My life was easier before I had to pay bills or do the laundry, or vote. Let them feast on a buffet of the countries resources- just toss us a bone or two, now and then.

President Mubarak, who our team affectionately refers to as the Prez with the Fez has learned the advantages with keeping certain things the way they are- less hassles. Also, there's more cool name tie ins that people aren't getting: For example and note Legal Dept: for free, Obama's campaign slogan in 2012: Mu barak? Mo' Barak! 4 MO'!!

With stamp machine in hand (it's only 4 pounds!) and just a light travel bag, i landed in Cairo Sunday night and the place was jamming. I foolishly thought the hordes of folks were waiting for me; the lights were low but no one yelled "surprise" or "welcome". Obviously most of these folks were wanting to get out. Not me. I had business to do and a contract to honor. Catching a taxi (advice: negotiate your daily rates) with an odd fellow by the name El Spitzer- said he was from New York but needed to move to Egypt for therapy for his bad back, we drove into town. El said that people weren't happy with being kept down; that at one point, they actually dug the President as a good man. However he enjoyed the post of top dog too long scheming to keep the gig in the family- his soul hardened to the plight of the working folk...blah, blah, blah. Amidst the obvious unrest before me- people in the streets wandering in all directions, voices crashing as thousands of simultaneous home run calls, smoke and cracking of things burning,, I needed to get out and finish my quest on foot.

It was difficult to make my way through the mass of people as they bumped into me, glaring, considering my motives but continually moving forward in whichever direction they headed. The whole scene made me nervous, unsettled. At one point some idiot grabbed my stamp machine and already on edge, I let him have it. Furious, I must have punched him ten times. Only later did i realize that the dude who I thought was trying to steal the XRGood600 was CNN news guy Anderson Cooper.

Apparently he slipped trying to avoid some government sponsored goons, using his hands to brace himself on my stamp machine. If you can get any footage of Cooper getting pounded on, when the people move away, you can see me doing the Brian Wilson salute to the sky move. Cooper, I apologize. I wish you had said something other than stop and please don't do this.
I don't watch CNN or the news but if you had offered something like, "Me. on SNL. with Pee Wee Herman" in a Shatner like cadence- we'd be all good.

I couldn't tell what was going on really- only that no one seemed especially happy. I was just hoping that if these really were goons sent by the government or, just the government un-governing, I wanted to be out of there before they decided to handle civilian unrest as China does; by sending tanks in to run over everybody. Make lemonade out of lemons? In China, it's making tomato juice out of people.

Anyway to make this story complete, found my Hani (President Mubarak), made the sale and we should be good for another 30 years...unless the people get in the way. Don't screw it up like you did over here messing with Nixon.

Postscript: Darn! I thought I had found Hani Mubarak on Facebook. I thought if 5 or 6 of us could reach out to him, we could end this thing. We could all sign our names to a message like:
"Hey man, this is so uncool. Sincerely" That would work on Twitter too. Marching in the streets is so old school; social protest of the future is all about networking on Facebook. Plus you can half watch a Charlie Sheen sitcom at the same time. I typed this sentence while I finished my lunch, pretended to work, and feeling heartfelt stuff for people in Egypt. Maybe Hani Mubark is the same guy.

A Note To Our Sponsers

these photos have nothing to do with the subject but are more pics from Nola, courtesy Maria's phone: last stop at the Orange Couch, photo in Dooky Chase, Napoleon House and at the bottom of this page, Saturday1/22 Menu, Bayona


I may be violating some code of blogging but if i am and anyone objects, I'm sure that I will find out about it, soon. So following my usual should I or shouldn't I-code, let's go.

Some friends and family have been nice enough to list themselves as "followers" of this blog. I thought it might be of some interest to write about them- i imagine their little pictures extending a handshake or a glance but they might instead imagine sudden stern glares at this scribbler. Also this is a way to get another edition in, when it's been obvious that I ran out of material after blog #25. Expect another similar entry when I discuss the type of font chosen (blog #99)

These will be brief, neither invasive and relatively painless. I will only use the names as they have listed if one was to click on their symbol.



Eileen is one of my great sister-in-laws, she of one of who provided care of D and O (Dando!) while we frolicked far away. As Dempsey women go, their talents are limitless, their acceptance provides reassurance and a grateful, "whew!. They were my Sally Field moment; they like me- I'm alright! Eileen, of the smile, go-to- laugh, mystery and quirky sense of humor.

Drew Schwarz is perhaps epitomized in the photo that he uses of himself; not the most graceful of poses but certainly free of vanity. Anytime one is happily willing to present self in a goof..humorous way is a welcome quality in my book. Genuinely interested in what you have to offer and also willing to dish sarcasm, gamer extraordinaire, and stand up guy.

Katie Murphy was one of my morning customers who always seemed to welcome each day as if it would be the best one possible. Contrast with a grumbling staff (me included) who started their day at 5am. But after awhile it seemed okay to buy into her attitude. There are people who take a lot of energy to be around and others, who provide it. It was fun convincing her that it was okay not to pay once when she forgot her money; it's not just the money- it's the community that matters. Katie was one who helped make our community matter.

Andrew, my former neighbor at work is the same someone who completed the 140 mile Iron Man in Australia, something I still have difficulty comprehending. I have difficulty swimming from one end of a swimming pool to the other (okay, one side to the other side) let alone 2.4 miles. Someone who accomplishes things with precision and someone who takes a bit of time to get to know but as you do, you realize how much he enjoys life, challenging himself, is a great supporter of his friends, fan of animation and all the great sports teams of Philadelphia. Yes!

Hobbs is a unique character who to me at least, always seems to be ready to laugh at something, about something, or at someone. There's plenty of time and world events to feel badly about so getting those laughs in is a good idea. Seems to me that a theme of awkward silences recurs, from possible past days of lengthy awkward silences but these now are great moments! More real than just a how are you (I don't really care, but it's something i'm saying to cover the p.a.s.: potential awkward silence). How's that for oblique? Also goofy in the best sense of the word.

Maria and Brian- no, i didn't sign myself up. I believe Maria signed us up to cover herself if I wrote (still time for this) something she didn't like, and could then excuse herself and say I was my own follower. Anyone that knows me knows that I wouldn't follow myself; i tried to shake me for my first 25 years until I realized it's kind of a difficult task to do. So 25 trying to lose my shadow, 25 accepting him, the next 25, we got some work to do, together.

Hey, mostly i just want to thank anyone who takes the time to occasionally read this, those that are nice enough to "follow", those boys of mine that will have to know the material when they are in their 20's, and I'm spending all my time preparing quizzes for them, from this blog. Hopefully then these pages will be referred to as something grander than "blog". The term blog sounds close to something associated with orifice. Which probably speaks to the quality of what is being written.

Sometimes She's Nice To Me

I'm just quoting Maria so don't get in a huffy puffy judgementally mood, y'all. But you know how I just hit the hammer on the circus 50 bell, well, Maria surprised me with the notion and the motion of just her and me going to New Orleans for a weekend- We left Thursday at midnight and came back Sunday at midnight, leaving Dext and Oliver to the kind care of Eileen and Woody (thank you both so much). It was the first time we had ever left the boys for a night, let alone an entire weekend. Dexter did a solo with my parents the long night Oliver was born. I was concerned that Maria and I would spend our time talking only about how much we missed the boys. Fortunately, New Orleans provides many worthy distractions and while we always had them in our thoughts, it was kind of nice to not have to worry about the bass player; just me and the drummer. This is a short entry about the trip I just took with she who lays down the steady beat in our lives.

Leaving work after a very kind birthday party that Cailin arranged- that was an odd guest list!, I went downtown to get a Lonely Planet tour book (always enjoy getting a new tour book for any trip-ritual), forgot an important piece of business at work, had to go back, then rushed home to spend some time with the boys, and to pack. Leaving was tough but the cab ride was about now, and we were off to our red eye flight (SFO to Chicago- snow but not snowed in, then to New Orleans, landing about 10am).

Renting a car is pretty much the same as the cost of taxi rides in and back while careful parking can always be found in the streets of the city giving us the freedom to go wherever we want. A return to Dooky Chase, a restaurant that has an old graceful southern setting but as comfortable as my Aunt Janey's kitchen. With the lovely photos of President Obama with Leah Chase, are now paintings signed by Disney animators dedicating their film, the Princess and the Frog identifying Leah Chase as the inspiration for their main character.

New Orleans to me is San Francisco's funkier cousin, a place where proximity is skewed; people get closer to you which initially can be offsetting but for the most part, we welcome it. And sometimes this is a natural occurrence because the streets are so in need of repair, people tend to stumble.

Dinner at Napoleon House, a great place to sit and talk, drink or have a nice meal. Old, rustic, burnt sienna- Napoleon never made it there but we have. And will again.

Bayona, a restaurant whose chef, Susan Spicer has a character in the show, Treme offers a nice weekend lunch deal- 3 small courses for $25 and you could pick 3 entrees or 3 desserts; up to you. Pretty dining room, uncrowded when we arrived, packed full when we left. Delicious! Happy to see that Verti Marte, the 24 hour corner grocery store and deli that burnt down last year is close to reopening, the type of place where the various greasy Po'boys are huge and the people working there call you "honey".

The carousel bar in the Hotel Monteleone turns a very slow 360 degrees but sitting at the bar, I felt queasy, and not enjoying the nausea we moved to an appreciated non moving booth. From there, I could enjoy the view.

Visiting 3 clubs side by side on Frenchmen Street; Three Muses, D.B.A., and the Blue Nile where Kermit Ruffins signed a CD for a friend who was bit by a poisonous snake in Brazil ("Watch Out for Snakes"), John Boutte, and Glen David Andrews in a crowded tight settings. At least the Blue Nile has some room to breathe. DBA has a huge beer selection and is now smoke free (a lot of smokers in New Orleans-you will see many people on bicycles but half of them are smoking). Someone waited for me to go to the bar before approaching Maria for a date. Alas, no. Each venue had at least one drunken lout. Oh well. Perfection eludes. D.B.A. was too crowded so we passed on the Soul Rebels Brass Band and headed to Mimi's in the Marigny (tapas and beers), and along the way discovered the Orange Couch Cafe, whose owner, Johnny, is from San Francisco. Nice coffee.

What I remember is that this was a very sweet gift from someone who is often nice to me. When you have lovely children, you can forget how much fun you have with your partner. We have the best of times with our guys - thank you Maria, for a lovely trip. Now boys, I hope it is obvious but just in case you ever feel inclined to ponder, did your parents love each other? Yes! The answer is simply, yes.















also thank yous to Tina and GC for hanging out with the guys on Sunday!

At 50

Hello! I have been running around more than usual so nothing clever here but let's discuss a landmark; that is turning 50 years old. Whew! I can remember how that number seemed to me when I was twenty. Now, no big deal - just really glad to be walking and taking in all that I can each day. I don't feel 50 and I don't feel 20 either. It's difficult to know what 50 should feel like anyway. I just feel like myself which is more realized than when I was 20, not sure then what or who I should feel like.

First, I informed Maria that my preference was to skip any parties or hoopla but that I wanted to do something with the family, somewhere. Later this year to host a nice holiday party at some place we could rent out. That would be cool. Also, years ago I said that I wanted to get a 45 jukebox and still down the road, something I'd like to explore when we have the space for such a beast. Meanwhile, still slowly gathering 45's.

Back to what did we do? I considered going back to a place of quiet retreat that healed me when I was very ill, sitting in a comfortable bed looking out over open balcony windows to the ocean, in a tiny town called Elk- but didn't want to travel the hours both ways. We instead got a room in San Francisco at the Parc 55 Hotel downtown SF and decided to do something I've never done, ice skate. I did reasonably well; fell but not on my butt. There was a guy who would glide by with coaching tips ("hands on the table") that were helpful. He looked like the cheese in the Backstreet Boys who always seems to be in and out of rehab. This I found amusing each time he skated by whispering advice. Oliver, who at first had skates too big, unlaced and on the wrong feet was quite the brave one. His first go round, he was in a constant state of tap dancing on ice. Savon Glover/Happy Feet?

Dexter is the old pro of the family having done this twice before. Last week he went with my ol' pal Anne and her daughters Ava and Ellen. His parents were relieved when Anne offered. Dexter's dad used the opportunity to study and theorize how best to skate and his mother was happy to avoid all sounds of slushing ice.

Happily it turns out that skating did not bring shivers to Maria's ears, which was a great relief to her. As for myself, I look forward to doing this again.


.
Also it was fun to play tag in a big empty ballroom we discovered in the hotel, and I took pride in having security come up and stop us. Ah, stopped by security at 50 (in a non-threatening way) made the moment more joyful, even as Maria was trying to communicate to us to stop.

Dinner of choice was at Lefty O'Doul's; as fine of a baseball pub as can be had. Cupcakes for dessert, some nice reading and a good night's rest, and hey I'm set for 25 more. If I'm still walking and Maria is with me, I might be willing to up for a few more after that. I will say at 50
I appreciate Maria more than ever. She, the gallant gladiator of my heart.
Sometimes Maria is even nice to me (more on that later).


1/24/11 A shout out to my fellow 50'ers, John G. (August'10,), Robert R. (Dec.'10)!

some mickey mouse operaton

This is about that longstanding dinosaur- 35 years old, Saturday Night Live. A show that still can be funny especially the years Tina Fey was head writer or later,when she did her Palin interpretation. Sometimes the host can trancens the material and occasionally the writing has a snap to it. However, the show is no longer subversive in any sense; it survives, and rather easily so as an institution as the only game in town. It is the establishment. SNL has no point of view. We'll make fun of Sarah Palin but be sure to provide her some high profile guest skits and let her be hip, grooving to Amy Poehler's (Palin edited) super rap. She's not mad at us, is she?

Never ceasing to make fun of anyone but without a point of view; we're making fun- no harm done, we'll go after the other side next week. Our writing will be lazy and always identify by name who we're making fun of, and we won't piss anyone off (except when a performer hits such a home run as Fey did, and it translates to buzz and ratings). We'll go after the governor of New York not much for any of his policies but because he looks funny. We'll go after certain politicians with one note echoes that often cater to a stereotype than an accurate take ( that Obama is too nice, Biden's a potential idiot...) and real good make up. It's more about the make up. Fuckin' great make up.

Akroyd's take on Nixon was certainly not a fond one, Chevy Chase's take on President Ford was certainly not respectful (even later day impressions of Bush Jr. by Will Farrell allowed a lovable side, and Dana Carvey who did a nifty take on senior later allowed himself to become buddies with). Bill Murray returned once as guest host but closed the show with something tragic that had just happened, announcing that the Soviet Union had invaded Poland...while people nervously laughed, Murray, standing with musical guests the Spinners, said something close to "this is no joke. i'm just sorry for the poor saps who are going to get drafted".
Or 1980 when Ronald Reagan was on his way to becoming President, Jimmy Carter's spirit was broken- he's toast baby- the SNL cast and the B-52's called up independent candidate John Anderson up to the stage...hey, you still have a good choice, folks.

Yesterday, six people were killed and and a Congresswoman was shot in the head in Arizona. Jim Carrey was sure to shout out the success of the Jets (football team just won a playoff game, hours after the shooting) but no mention of this horror. Send out a heartfelt plea at the end of the show at least! Perhaps this mention would not represent well in reruns, or while the joke of New Speaker of the House Boehner hitting Nancy Pelosi in the head with his gavel was appropriate to leave in, perhaps producer Lorne Michaels felt the issue was too sensitive. Someone hitting Pelosi in the head is pure comedy after the day's events and Pelosi also being the recipient of death threats.
Sorry but you guys sell your show as cutting edge and topical.

Some assholes need to be called out for the hateful attacks and words that have been used, regardless of whether or not this event was a product of it.

Remember when you had a skit with Richard Pryor applying for a job with Chevy Chase as his perspective boss that examined subtle and overt racism with an edge to the comedy that was as frightening as it was funny? No?

Just before John Belushi died, he was all set to portray the head of NBC programming, Fred Silverman as a crazed dictator; the script was written and rehearsed but Lorne Michaels pulled the skit. Perhaps that was the beginning of Saturday Night Live's retreat to embracing the corporation as desired entity; can't blame you, really but once in awhile regardless of ratings, take a stand. Enough with the ice water penis jokes, okay?

And hey, you used to have musical guests that weren't pulled only from the top 10 lists.

Running Through The Green Light

New Years spent in Cambria, Central Coast near San Luis Obispo.
Quiet pretty dinner in the heated garden (heat lamp parboiled my head) of Robin's.
The hotel has a large garden area, lit up with Christmas lights and decorations and a
big green tunnel that Oliver loved to run back and forth in. I did too. This year I
hope to run through many a green light, saying "yes!", and run as a wolf with my mate
and young pups. Bad knee or not, life is too precious not to run, and live.










The next day Dexter and I ventured out in heavy winds and swirling rain- so much so
that in just ten minutes outside, my pockets of my coat were sopping wet. Maria and Oliver
chose to stay inside the vehicle as Dexter and I wanted to see the elephant seals, who
seemed very content to be in the pouring rains. Us, not so much. My camera had difficulty
focusing through the water. We entered back to the car, cold- so very cold.
In Cambria, we like the gardens, giant antique stores, Robins and Linn's, the Main Street
Grill, the baseball card shop, Moonstone Beach, and the quiet. Also staying at the Cambria
Pines Lodge, a big free breakfast was a nice plus. We have a nice place the next time the Burckins travel with us. A swimming pool warm as bath water, steaming in the cold. This time, running through the green light will suffice.