These Days

Dear Friends,

these days find us in good spirits busier than we realize. While I am hording Christmas LP's - cheaper in January than December and old Uncle Scrooge Comic Books, the following pictures mostly feature Oliver; he the one of us who runs toward the camera. I do too but I feel the need to pretend that I don't. So look for Oliver in a photo op with the Mayor (Brother Lee) who was very gracious to take the time to do so.

Oliver's first organized sporting event. This was a baseball clinic put on by Dexter's first coach, Coach Sherman. Not only was Oliver smaller than all the other kids he was also the youngest but definitely the most determined. A photo with Aunt Janey when she hosted a terrific Chinese New Year's dinner inviting my family and being with my dear cousins Judy, Jadey, Doreen and their families.

With the SF summer-like weather, we took the opportunity to revisit old favorites-Pancho Villa in the Mission, to discover Humphrey Slocombe ice cream, and stunned to see the new shops in Hayes Valley- Beer Garden, Ritual Roasters (hey, you're on Blue Bottle turf!) and a winter wonderland backdrop on a warm January evening. Also, Oliver dressed as me for school and me dressed as Oliver dressed as me. And at least one photo of Dexter- bringing me a piece of cake, care and kindness. A nice hour spent with old friend Palmer who when he applied at Peets carried a letter of reference that I had written for him nearly 14 years previously. A creative, quirky and gentle person that I have had the privilege to have known.

Spirits of Our Ancestors

This morning we went out to the cemeteries in Daly City to visit my Grandparents in two places and my Uncle Tom on a military hill side in Colma. The exact places I've never been good with but I have it written down for future reference, and I should make it available for Dexter and Oliver in the years to follow.

It is always apparent to me that most of us never really get over the loss of a mother, as the sadness visibly overcame my father if only temporarily. He lost her in 1993, one month after my favorite Uncle- Uncle Tom died. What had followed after a very splendid year of travel and unity/marriage (Oct'92) was at that time our family's greatest meeting of grief.

My Dad's mom was tough and strong, living independently into her 90's while smoking and drinking all the while. Yet she always seemed to have her wits about her and all relatives paid their good respect to her at family gatherings. She was kind to me but it was a great mistake to do something that would make her mad. Her husband, shot when he worked in a store in Chinatown never physically healed complete and later worked as a watchman/janitor at the YMCA. Late at night after closing, my father and his brother would use the facilites, learning to swim and play pool. Grandma sits close to an area I assume was once occupied only by a former Mayor of San Francisco (Rolph) until because of space, the lack of, required the occupancy of folks like my grandmother. Of note, Mayor Rolph was the longest termed mayor of San Francisco- nearly 20 years until he became Governor of California, a job he occupied until his death.

Dexter came out with us (Dad, Sister, Brother) and was good company while we steadied Dad- although it was his memory that led us to where we needed to go, Hingee and Mike cleaned the tombstones and set in new flowers. My mother never knew her father who died in the youngest of her days but her mother, (with bound feet!) provided as best she could. These recollections of my mother were always described with tenderness, warmth and longing. Once as my father drove us back over the Bay Bridge from a visit with friends, my mother told stories of her childhood and in a very unusual act for her, reached out and held my hand.

After lunch it was time to settle in at Dad's and watch the 49'ers-Saints. A nice situation for me as these are my two favorite football teams. At the same time, I was concerned that my feelings would be as conflicted to not be able to enjoy the game. However, one team provided my first opportunity to hug my father 30 years ago. At game time it was pretty easy to root for the Niners who also had the spirits of their ancestors present. With Montana and Young at the game, it would add to Alex Smith's folklore if in the middle of a huddle of the last crucial drive with 9 seconds to go- teammates hyperventilating, he had said to calm them, "hey guys, look there's Joe Montana" Or better yet as my friend Robert suggested if Smith had said, "Hey, there's John Candy" . I wanted the Saints to perform well but ultimately to come up short in a close contest. This turned out to be a very exciting game-crazy exciting! especially the last four minutes, with four lead changes, and an improbable last second 49'er win.

The Saints particularly Drew Brees and Marcus Colston played great. I always loved the 49'ers Alex Smith despite all those things I've supposedly said the last seven years. I knew that at the end of this day he would be a hero or a ah, a bum. Just a quick note that yesterday Giants announcer Mike Krukow called for a 49'ers win as "this will be The Catch 2, with a last second touchdown from Alex to Vernon Davis". This is how it turned out exactly, and grandly. Dad who before game time said it didn't matter to him who won, was excited, thrilled at game's end and for that, on this day, I am grateful.

Bringing in the New Year/ A New Way

Bringing in the New Year, Cambria 2012





Not far from the truth- and now, let's immediately begin my New Year's rambling babble:

My real name is Abraham Lincoln-pronounced "A bra ham Lin- col-n". I was the walrus but now am the porpoise, with a purpose. My children are named "Sun" and "Raisin". I am Maria's third husband. The 49'ers are World Champs, thrashing New Orleans, Green Bay and New England, 547-12, combined score. I'm thinking I ought to just make stuff up for this year so I will begin doing so with the next words.

Seems to be our annual winter visit to Cambria, along the central coast for two nights. The elephant seals not far from Hearst Castle seemed to be calmer on the day we visited; no pups getting over run by the big fat bulls and one fight was pure bluff with the smaller bull retreating after one strike. Everyone was content to lay in the warmer than usual sun, splashing sheets of sand to provide coolness.

We enjoy the calm of Moonstone Beach, Robin's and the Main Street Grill and I love running into the sports card shop and sifting through the various 1-$3 packs of deals. Also, a find of a book of baseball by the last true Commissioner of the game, Faye Vincent- not the shill that has been, Bud "Shill" Selig. And $2 for this piece!

Also, time spent together- although with some dismay of time spent with a PSP (here but not here) but saved in moments of running through the big green places of the place where we stayed.

Now reality calls with present conflicts and items to settle, work and school and demands. Moments of paralysis but the purpose of the porpoise is to swim, go forward . The hope at the end of the day is to have done so with clarity and kindness.

Bringing in the New Year!

Christmas (caution: some spoiler alerts for young ones)

I suppose the picture would suffice but here are the words:
Presenting Snowball. I would have preferred a name such as Josef or Big Dog but Dexter's hamster-Dexter's choice. Snowball is a large Syrian hamster, five feet tall and sleeps where he wants. These hamsters are solitary animals, mostly nocturnal and can not live with other males- which allows Dexter the opportunity to bond with him, or Snowball will have a lonely existence.

We hid Snowball in the apartment for two days, shuffling him and his cage to various rooms depending on the proximity of the boys and time of day. They did not seem to notice when we would speak to them LOUDLY when Snowball would run in his wheel, unseen but possibly heard in a closet, or be bothered by the constant playing of a radio- or when the cats would circle and sniff ("which one of you guys farted?"). Days before Christmas, we draped a small table in the room where our tree is- a place of destination for which the hamster could rest, hidden on Christmas morning.

The sounds of unwrapped presents, holiday tunes, Seattle pancakes did not reveal a sleeping hamster. Dext, happy enough with his bounty from the Big Guy was being a trooper in hiding his disappointment, until.

Also of note is an air hockey game which is turning out to be of sounder quality than expected, but the greatest facet of this piece is that Dexter took it upon himself to put the beast together, and did. Well done! Certainly skills inherited from the Dempsey side of the family.

Oliver mostly had his Santa list fulfilled; classic Monopoly, Kirby Wii game, Legos, Webkinz, and a tradition that goes back a few years, pissing the boy off. When Santa brought Oliver a Shrek Chia pet in '09 instead of a Scooby Doo Chia pet, Oliver has always held a bit of a grudge. Each year the Santa team intentionally delivers one of the smaller requests incorrectly; close, but not quite. Last on this year's list was the request of Club Penguin cards. Hope you enjoy Webkinz cards. This will be addressed in your letter next year Santa. Good luck.

A grand Christmas for us. We hope the same for you.

Where Ya At?

Well, I'll tell ya. This is where I'm at. It's nearly Christmas. Oliver is falling out of his shoes in anxiety. Dexter is playing it cool but definitely in the moment- especially with school on break.

We have the biggest tree we ever have had- which was a difficult choice as we found one about 4 feet tall, just 2 feet shorter but $30 cheaper. However we could tell that Dext had his hopes up for a big tree this year but felt guilty in deciding on the one he really wanted. Fortunately Captain Mike leaned in and whispered that we should get the bigger one, for Dext. Sounds good to us.

The busiest time at work for me, and Cai- two weeks of expecting the worse. Good thing I have kids for Christmas would only a headache but yet still, it is a heart affirming time- and fun. Crazy big stuff did come in a daily basis- room sized rugs, refrigerators, wine cabinets, bookshelves...but our team goal for these two weeks was to not get mad at each other and we were successful. One day we had 375 packages which including the several step process for each of them was a push to get them all completed for the day but we did. Our new facilities director, Amber may have been the secret to our success as three weeks prior she was able to get Cailin full time status, changing our outlook completely.

Just like Ronnie Lott (sorry folks-another sports reference) I was ready to take on whatever the day, or UPS man brought straight on.

Although my joke (it's not really true) is that everyone else at my work is 25 having more in common with Justin Bieber than they might with me, they really are a nice crowd of people.

Maria is happy to have some time off to spend it with us and friends that we do not have the opportunity to see enough. Marcail and Blythe came into their once city of residence and visited several times, notably one grand evening with our circle of friendships established 25 years ago. Anne, Traci, Marcail,Gemmie and families have aged well, I think.

Niners!! Saints!!

Niddy!! She, of who introduced Maria and I- showed up (from Atlanta) when Dexter and Cai volunteered outside the SPCA holiday windows (with the cats and dogs) at Macy's to spend time with us. She could be mistaken, in her good humored enthusiasm and demonstrative speaking,as a human Muppet. I sometimes think that when she really gets going, that Dr. Niddy might actually elevate. Plus a darn good interviewer!

One night Allison and John showed up for PG& E Polenta (it's really a polenta dish from Point Reyes Station Cafe). Friday the 16th a big box from Sarah and Drew arrived with immense goodness and goodies. It's great to have Andrew back in the SF office (have fun in Hawaii) although because of our work volume, I haven't yet been able to make daily stops to visit.

After this week we plan on going to Cambria on the central coast for New Year's. This is a December ritual for us; Robin's, the Main Street Grill, Linn's, the Tea Cozy, elephant seals, the baseball card shop, big yard at Pine Acres and the cozy stroll through town, despite the chilly temperatures brings joy and comfort. Also where we spent our (budget) honeymoon.

Earlier this month we saw the great Eddie Palmieri (playing with two other of my favorites, Hermann Olivera and Jimmy Bosch- D & O, when you read this look those names up!) at Yoshi's- this as a courtesy from some of the nice people that were part of the Slide group.

Dad's been watching the black and white episodes of Gunsmoke and Have Gun, Will Travel. I'm usually washing dishes during Have Gun, Will Travel but thoroughly enjoying the quality of these older episodes of Gunsmoke.

As I was running around shopping and errand doing today, I felt grateful for the life i have, the people i know, the family that surrounds, concluding that 50 was very fine and where I'm at us where I want to be.



A Christmas spoiler story (so stop here if anyone needs not read this):

Two years ago just after Thanksgiving, I was sitting in the cafe at work with Dexter and turned to him to suggest that he should start his Christmas wish list for the big guy. He glanced over and with a big grin said, "I'm looking at him". No! you have to play along. For his brother, he has played along.

I guess the Raisenets as deer poop didn't fool him back on the balcony of New Orleans, 12/25/07 . I thought I was being clever. However in careful observation, he said simply : "those are Raisenets".

The Elephant In The Room

At long last, I have finally done a top notch job in providing our turtles (how long have we had these guys- 15, 20 years?) a nice place to live? Reptiles are strong and reptiles are messy. We raised them when they were as small than the size of a quarter. Nursed them from the lethargic state that they had been in by rubbing meat on those mouths until they ate, provided a sun lamp to charge them up and gave them clean water. Llater a filtration system to keep their water reasonably so. Sold in the streets of Chinatown in little plastic cartons piled ten units high in rows of six or seven but with no instructions on how to provide care and life for these near lifeless babies.



Of course the realization that these guys (actually two females- occasionally laying an unfertilized egg or two) may outlive us. Over time their habitat have grown in size but because of their natural messy reptilian ways, the sunlight bringing algae on the sides of the tank and recently, the lack of a working sink (that's the big one!) in their area has made their home kinda funky. For too long. Now the size of a pot pie (smaller turtle) and a mini pizza (larger) I've been relieved that their shells are hard and healthy. Eyes clear and appetite present except in the winter when they hibernate ,eat and move less.



I know Maria has stayed out of the room feeling that the turtles, unofficially named Bud and Lou were not doing well. Dexter has decided that he wants to use this room as his room so it's been time to make it a good room. Dext has also been persistent in getting to me to tackle the task and this Saturday we dedicated ourselves in doing so. The past weeks spent accumulating supplies but now I could not stall any longer.

Devising a plan of transport (buckets of liquid sludge with intentionally blurred vision and slow breaths) using various tools for intense cleaning, we were able to wash their habitat surprisingly thorough. However, the state of the tank was worn; the seals were stripped and while probably still very functional, the thought of turtle waste leaking is not an appealing (nor healthy) one. So Sunday we went out to get a new habitat.

Going spare with the design; room to swim, room to sun, with a quiet powerful filter. It looks great to us. We think they like it and despite the changes in their usual quiet of winter, Bud and Lou are once again back in the groove. The elephant has left the building.

Thanksgiving Report

The best part of the big meal for me is all the choices of vegetables- delicious mushy vegetables! Didn't really get to any turkey but a taste- a taste of the bird that Ria cooked this year. Otherwise, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, sweet potatoes (and marshmallows), carrots, pearl onions, stuffing, salad, cranberry sauces pretty much covered the plate fer me. And pies! Molly's apple, Ann's pumpkin, Mickey's red devil cake. I miss Christmas Eve with the Cupps and as those were special days, Thanksgiving on Ruby Street are times to treasure.
















49'ers lose the HarBowl (both teams coached by brothers Harbaugh) but still at 9-2 with a good reminder that the team needs to work on some deficiencies, not a bad place to be.

Hey! A lot of our family couldn't make it because they had to work- isn't Thanksgiving supposed to be for families to be together? Pretty stupid that companies are making their people work these crazy hours. If the effort behind the marketing of the so called Black Friday was put behind a real day of service, we could achieve great things, and not be seen to be such a wasteful place by the rest of the world.

Dexter got a head start on the weekend by going ice skating with Katie, while Oliver spent the day with me at work. The chilly (for SF) weather lends itself to welcome beds and lazy cats seeking our body warmth. Yes, they might actually like us, too. Family!

Friday a big time production (for the small Benecia Ballet group) of the Nutcracker at the Solano Community College Theater- a cast of over 100! The music played live with a 50 piece orchestra! Of course with a very limited budget, the dancers only had one walk through with the orchestra before the evening's show. Our friends, the Burckins are featured in the play. Maya, expressive and fluid as Clara, Colleen and Hale, Clara's parents in gallant attire danced off stage with only the orchestra playing for them, Eli, versatile in several parts as Mouse King and mischevious brother. Last scene: Clara runs to the arms of her father who brings her comfort, shelter and safety.

Saturday: Dexter continues cat sitting for Bobby and Meredyth and also watching a senior cat (19!) for one of Cai's classmates. A visit with Dad, a change of car oil ( I resisted every upsell) This morning, o'er came the Rhodys' from Chico by way of Santa Clara, on their way to Petaluma. Miles is five months older than Dexter, Maya is four months younger- Dexter bookmarked between them, he has two strong friendships that will endure. Wade, Mile's younger brother is stocky and strong with excellent hand-eye coordination. Wade is very capable with his brother's I-Pod and got a kick out of knocking my baseball caps off the wall. Wade's big brother is very kind big brother, and as happy as we are to see him, he is equally so with us. We've known Lisa and Robert a long time, and I've forgiven Robert for hiring people to hit me over the head with things, years ago.
















Sunday 11/27: The First Annual ChewBowl. Football Fiesta: Dexter&Maria v. Oliver&Brian at the Marina Green. O&B walk off with the victory 35-21. It was mightily contested, followed by dinner at On the Bridge, Japan Town.

just for the Thanksgiving record at Ann and John's 2011: Tim, Eileen and Woody, Tom and Jay (who played keep away with Oliver for hours), and us 4 Chempseys.