I'm So Sorry About Your Wife

{Unidentified, Aunt Grace in MickeyMouse attire, Dad, Aunt Jeanette, our candidate for the Rat Pack}

What did she do now? My cousin leaned over to me at yesterday's service for Auntie Grace and quietly said "I'm so sorry about the loss of your wife". He had mistakenly...wait, let me check. Looking to my left...my cousin had mistakenly heard that Maria had died. No sir, that was definitely Maria who gave me the scowl when bad daddy crashed with Oliver while attempting to film riding the inner tube . And yes thankfully, still with us!

The irony of this moment was that it was uttered by my kind cousin, who for many years I thought of him as my Uncle because of a twenty year difference in age. Ten years ago I though he had died. I was in line with my parents at an open casket service preparing to pay respects to my Uncle- when behind me, he walked up. Spooked, seriously spooked. After a double take and immense dread as to who was actually in the casket, I submerged the question I wanted to cry out- aren't you dead?!, and instead said mumbled a hello, and and apologies- apologies mostly that at this important event, I neglected to do the most basic of homework; who is in the casket? It was my cousin's father who I did not know well. Sr. and Jr. So I find it funny that my cousin would unknowingly pursue an appropriate bit of misinformation, which momentarily lightened my mood. If the time was appropriate perhaps I could have told told him that I had made the much larger mistake years ago.

Speaking of which, once, at a service which I attended with my parents, both of whom were pretty broken up about the loss, we approached the grieving family. Not recognizing my mom, who was a beautiful woman, they thanked my father for attending and bringing his mother. We laughed about this all the way home. Sometimes the funny things can be found in the darkest of days.

Also in saying goodbye to Auntie Grace yesterday and her sister Auntie Jeanette today, it was difficult for my father but the goodbyes were delivered in a celebratory way. Both days provided fond recollections followed by lunch and today was full of good humor. Auntie Jeanette, or Janet depending when you knew her, was a gambler, rambler, full of life, independent One of her daughters said Jeanette was not fitting the concept of mother that the daughter had, but instead realized the mother she was; loyal, full of fire and spirit, and loving. The room was full of some of her favorite things; champagne bottles tagged with "Cheers Honey", candy, gaming cards from casinos, and photos of Jeanette with her grandchildren. Full of vim and vigor. We think of her as someone who hung with the angels and the devils, in the old days of Vegas. So bonded to her sister Grace that she would not live without her. Jeanette called my father when Grace died and a day later, suffered a final heart attack.

To have known Auntie Grace and Auntie Jeanette, Auntie Ann (shout out for Fong Fong Bakery from Chinatown of the past) and Auntie Lily- all sisters and grand personalities, looking out at all the faces in the restaurant today helps me to reconcile life's blessings and the sweetness that survives the sorrow.


Dad with his younger cousin Rev.Harry Chuck. Harry is a great guy, tireless advocate for folks in Chinatown, is usually called on to preside over these family services, and is a fine singer in his own right.
By the way Harry is not the cousin I referred to earlier. Dad used to look after Harry when he was younger and Harry is always appreciative of this.