I've edited myself on this one for some time now but decided that if I really am writing this to paint a portrait of who I am, and the things I think about, then- there really is no need to edit, if the topic is something that is on my mind. This topic is not often discussed: Etiquette in the men's restroom. First, acknowledgment that it isn't fair that the line for a women's bathroom is sometimes longer than the men's. Why? Are the men washing their hands? Well, unfortunately, not always. I grimace when I am soaping up and other club members bypass the sink leaving the restroom. At least women have the privacy of separate stalls.
Other than the public service spots George Michael and tap dancing Senator Larry Craig have provided, I am not aware of the appropriate behavior that should occur in a men's bathroom. I only know that for me, it still is a bit of a mystery as where I should be looking, or pretend to be looking on the walls directly in front of me. I pretend to read a magazine, of not much interest but with small type as to minimize the need to turn a pretend page. I should also pretend that my eyesight is reasonably good so as to not stand too close but not too good, so as to not stand too far away.
Still, there are times when the person standing next to me wishes to make conversation; it may be a co-worker or it might be Senator Craig and I am not really comfortable engaging at this point. I do know that handshakes are out of the question in this region and the gag of the fake third hand, while tempting, is also not the best idea. I have thought about having a sound box with various odd noises but in this too, I have chosen restraint.
Many years ago I was washing my hands in one spot of the bathroom when a gentleman who turned out to be a secret service agent, for whatever reason did not notice my presence and allowed the person he was guarding, to use the facilities. In moments I realized (excited is not the word to use in this context) that I was standing next to John Anderson, Presidential candidate. Other than future President Clinton, how many people would have the opportunity to see a President wthout pants?
Some backstory: In 1979 (when I wore $100 pants)-1980 the country had lost faith in President Carter (botched rescue attempt in Iran, attacked by a rabid rabbit, collapsing after a jog, overly critical of the American public's apathy) opening the door for someone who stood as unreasonable a chance of becoming President, Ronald Reagan as much as the thought that the Terminator could become the governor of California. The only viable alternative was John Anderson, third party candidate and with enough support that he was involved in one of the two Presidential debates. Anderson had begun as a Republican but in his older years, had morphed into a Liberal Independent. Before the days of equal TV time, at the end of a Saturday Night Live, the B-52's and Bill Murray led cast, called Anderson up on stage. I ended up working for Anderson, the first Presidential candidate that I had ever the opportunity to work for. Despite Jimmy Carter's big heart and great post Presidential efforts, Reagan's large persona, I still believe that Anderson would not have involved this country in death squads in El Salvador, deregulation of industries opening the door to the redistribution of wealth to the richest, trickle down economics and the ending of many social programs that Reagan is responsible for.
I digress, back to my bathroom etiquette questions. No handshakes. Minimal discussions. Eye contact only. Pretend to read. When someone calls out, "change", you do not leave your station; you stand your ground.
And now an awful admission. Working in cafes for over 25 years, there was always one bathroom with one toilet. That was it. Just the one sitting unit. Keeping it in working order for so many customers was always a test but a challenge that I felt my staff answered better than most. However beginning my very first office job in '09, I was overwhelmed to find such large bathrooms with multiple stalls. Some even with showers and bidets- unfathomable! What I know now to be called a urinal, I mistook, much to the horror of those around me, to be a stand up crapper. Everyone makes mistakes.
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