Gather to Say Goodbye

  On March 10 we hosted family and friends at the house on 30th Avenue to have some type of ceremony and closure to the death of my father.  My sister did not want this to be a gloomy memorial so we referred the event as a celebration of his (and mom's ) life and it most certainly was. Dexter and Oliver jumped in and honored this set of grandparents as we knew they would.  Hingee and Mike were on board once their initial reservations were addressed- Mike helped get the house in fine shape for the day and Hingee broadened the invitations to relatives I may have neglected. 

  Maria and I promised that we would be the caretakers for the event and would be hosting the entire time if my brother and sister needed to step away.   We just asked if we could provide a very good meal in the most casual and warm setting.  We always got Dad walnut prawns from Ton Kiang on Geary Street and that is where we decided to get all the food from.  They always remembered my folks whenever they went there although in later years, they didn't go there as often. Mom had favorite places to go to but always liked finding new places.  We took Dad there not that long ago, and it's always a welcome stop after a long day at Hardly Strictly.   Dexter and I really enjoy the spicy string beans over crispy noodles and i can't get enough of their foil wrapped chicken.

  The only part of tradition that we  kept was in the preparation of  red envelopes to hand out to our guests as they departed. Inside each envelope was candy (Starburst) and a quarter.  The candy is to provide sweetness after the sour and the quarter to encourage purchasing more sweet.  However the day that was, Sunday from 12-3pm  (but really 5) was a sweet one.  We didn't want a schedule, just a period of time that people could come over, stay as long as they wanted in that time, or just make an appearance.  With plenty of pictures, an ongoing slide show Maria put together, letters and a sense of their history (plus good food, lots of it!) we felt that we had the celebration covered. 

   I expected about 30 people, and thought that they might visit throughout the 3 hours, with lulls and some quiet times.  I hoped that my Dad's very good friend from the army -some of Uncle Johnny's family might appear, although we hadn't seen them for 10 plus years, since Uncle Johnny died.  I didn't mention this to my siblings but I was hopeful.

   We may have had 50 or more in attendance and most all stayed, visiting at the same time. Incredibly overwhelmed would describe me from 1:30-3:30.   My Mom's good friends- Bessie, Blossom, Helen, May Fong, so diligent in how they looked after my Dad, families of Cousin Pat and Connie, neighbors the Grants and the Mares, Niece and Nephew Traci and Kevin, Allison and David, Aunt Janey and Judy, Doreen and family, Cousins Larry, Greg and Harry and Linda Chuck, friend Larry and Henri, and a bunch of other dear visitors.

  Half way through, we answered the door and welcomed Uncle Johnny's oldest son named after my father.  George his wife Deanna and their mom, Aunty Rose.  Aunty Rose always still has her big beaming smile even as time has shrunk her.  As a child I remember hot summer days in Sacramento at their home and visits at their restaurant in Vallejo.  There, anything I wanted could be mine as they treated me as someone who was the child of a very beloved friend.  I hear their voices, so distinctive cradling my name and alternatively calling out in more assertive tones to their seven children.  At the house at 30th AV, I hear the sound of their big car pulling up and the voices of six to seven children rolling up the stairs.  As Jimmy was to Johnny and Rose, I too was the youngest to George and May.  All distinctive individuals.

   A few years ago we uncovered-thanks to Uncle Johnny some letters that my Dad wrote to him, after the war in 1948.  That my father would write something longer than two sentences (two pages!) was astounding and not unlike finding a mammoth fossil in the backyard.

   Hey, we did it Mom and Dad.  We were able to set up a day where old friends and family, and others that didn't circulate in this circle could, breathe and share together, in your house, within your loving arms.  We'll miss you forever but mostly just thankful to have you known you and to have been cared for by you. And if there are difficult days when the loss and missing seems to overcome, I know that the memories, joys and life's lessons you brought to us will guide me back to the warmth of the sun, and the warmth of the love you tried so hard to provide.

  

Be The Best Thetan You Can Be

NPR , Going Clear

My, time passes fast when you're kissing ass.  No, not me but that phrase just came in my head, didn't know where to put it so oddly it lands here.  Feel free to use it.  Boys I do not recommend referencing it in any work or living environment.

So let's get back to life.  We're all balancing out this loss of one key player in our lives and finding the right time for each of us to express it.  Dexter's time came later than the rest of us and it is a day to day personal tumble  but in the grand scheme of things, it's part of the grand scheme of all things.  Got it.  Tears, then steps.

Why am I so fascinated with Scientology?  I'll inform.  Back in the day- 17 years of old working in my first real job (Sylvia's Continental Restaurant - fine dining and pizza- go figure!), not including years of newspaper tossing.  Chris Kelly, who mostly ran a construction business  but also had a fairly successful pizza operation called Red Boy Pizza.  He found that it may have been easier to get girlfriends with a restaurant or two- Sylvia! and when he wasn't willing/able to pay his construction workers- to have them speak to the 17 year old making pizzas, while he was "I don't know where he is".

Scientology.  In the kitchen was the first person I ever met from Wisconsin (and yes for a time I had some odd thoughts about the good peeps from Madison)- probably the nicest guy I've ever known and the only person I've ever successfully Heimliched (that is not a german term for getting personal but I popped a chicken bone or mushroom outta his throat when he was choking).  Ron was 100% devoted to Scientology when not working, and only 85% when he was working.  He had his e-meters with him to perform audits; these simple machines "read" your energy and analyze the truth to your answers, and usually end up letting you know how screwed up you are.  I always declined getting audited (probably thanks to Ron here, I learned to say "no") but enjoyed our conversations about many things but was most fascinated with his interests in Scientology and previously the Moonies.

He no longer had time for the Moonies as much of the commitment was at a faraway commune but I recall Ron describing a "fun" game of  Dodgeball where participants would yell "kill, kill" and Ron's eyes popping out of his eyeglasses as he described the merriment.  Ron was gentle, enthusiastic but also 6'+ and 250# so I always allowed room for him to possibly morph Hulk-like and smash, or at least yell "kill, kill" while playing dodge ball.  How could you stop having time for fun like that?  Although Ron described this as getting too wild sometimes, with a noticeable longing for the good old days.

How does a smart guy such as Ron get into Scientology? Self improvement? Even charmers as John Travolta.Will Smith and Tom Cruise? Why did in my 20's was i sometimes approached by young women who invited me to friendly dinners with other nice young folks?  Certainly  my sex appeal was a large factor in these invitations but i quickly realized that this had a recruitment feel to the invites.

A Pulitzer Prize winning author, Lawrence Wright wrote a book, Going Clear about Scientology and my hopes were that this would be a well researched work.  It's a good read.  While it may not win another Pulitzer it brought to me some clarity about the organization and its participants. 

Thetan refers to sort of your eternal Scientology soul.  Those that join Sea Org, the main internal committed group dedicated to the goals of Scientology sign a billion year contract- man, that's a lot of toilet paper in a billion years!  After your life ends, your thetan self joins another body, sometimes waiting around for a baby to become your new host.  As far as I can tell, the baby has no say in this so future parents if your kids act funny sometimes, it may not be your kids but just the Thetan soul of he we once knew as mr. tom cruise 350 years ago.  Humans are referred to as "meat bodies".  Scientology terminology is great stuff!

Scientology has a great foundation for seeking out those they see as the enemy to make life miserable for any individual or groups they perceive as spreading evil against them.  Scientology was able to leverage the IRS (countless lawsuits, borderline legal harassment of individuals) to allow Scientology tax-free status as a religion. How they were able to take down a powerful institution as the IRS is very impressive.

I think I haven't written anything in awhile is part laziness but knowing that Going Clear would be my next entry also concerned that some idiot will stumble upon this page and leave something cryptic and threatening.  But if so, please read the first line and go fyourself and your stinky organization.

Many of the principles of Scientology are borne from founder L.Ron Hubbard who while seeing this as a great opportunity to smooze with Hollywood types and make a lot of money, seriously believed he was on to something magical- that is when he wasn't beating his wives or berating the people around him.  He is seen in Scientolgy as a prophet  and a great war hero.  Some of the most amusing parts of the book is when Wright takes apart every heroic claim by Hubbard of his war efforts to show the coward behind the curtain; the ego maniac who found every opportunity to duck any real opportunity to be in harm's way while claiming otherwise.

Hubbard was a best selling sci fi writer (supposedly Mitt Romney's favorite book is one that Hubbard wrote) as well as the best selling writer of Dianetics, which to some disturbance my Mom had around the house for years although never got around to reading.  There is some merit in my mind to some of their principles- one of which is that Scientology is not promising some impending apocalypse in our future. More practically is their principle that by constantly examining what gives us pain, that we can face it and get beyond it. Hey, I can get behind that one.  This is part of the auditing process. 

As for the celebrities and Scientology's Hollywood base, perhaps because he is so busy, Tom Cruise's wives and girlfriends are often vetted for him before they even realize it, and most move in with him within 30 days of meeting the man.  Scientology is led by David Miscavige now (Tom Cruise's best man at his last wedding) and as Hollywood is a great center for the organization, it stands to reason that if you are trying to get your career in show biz going in LA, this is a great place to get powerful support.  Of note is Steven Spielberg for although having an excellent work relation with Cruise has avoided coming on board the Scientology train.  Spielberg would be a huge recruit for the organziation-one can only imagine.
 

Gong Clear refers to the goal of being freed from your Engrams, the negative part of your subconscious memories- ready to embrace your $45 dollars a week from the group (of course Scientologists will point out that you will be paid the $45 even during the process of  reaching Clear state).  However if you try to skip out of your billion year commitment you will get a for services rendered of possibly hundreds of thousand$, and risk the disconnect from friends and family within the organization , let alone dealing with all the people you pissed off outside the organization the years you were in it.   Anyone who brings anything negative to the discussion about Scientology is labeled a "suppressive".Ah, the pain. The engrams!  How I wish life was simpler with a good violent game of Dodgeball.