Gather to Say Goodbye

  On March 10 we hosted family and friends at the house on 30th Avenue to have some type of ceremony and closure to the death of my father.  My sister did not want this to be a gloomy memorial so we referred the event as a celebration of his (and mom's ) life and it most certainly was. Dexter and Oliver jumped in and honored this set of grandparents as we knew they would.  Hingee and Mike were on board once their initial reservations were addressed- Mike helped get the house in fine shape for the day and Hingee broadened the invitations to relatives I may have neglected. 

  Maria and I promised that we would be the caretakers for the event and would be hosting the entire time if my brother and sister needed to step away.   We just asked if we could provide a very good meal in the most casual and warm setting.  We always got Dad walnut prawns from Ton Kiang on Geary Street and that is where we decided to get all the food from.  They always remembered my folks whenever they went there although in later years, they didn't go there as often. Mom had favorite places to go to but always liked finding new places.  We took Dad there not that long ago, and it's always a welcome stop after a long day at Hardly Strictly.   Dexter and I really enjoy the spicy string beans over crispy noodles and i can't get enough of their foil wrapped chicken.

  The only part of tradition that we  kept was in the preparation of  red envelopes to hand out to our guests as they departed. Inside each envelope was candy (Starburst) and a quarter.  The candy is to provide sweetness after the sour and the quarter to encourage purchasing more sweet.  However the day that was, Sunday from 12-3pm  (but really 5) was a sweet one.  We didn't want a schedule, just a period of time that people could come over, stay as long as they wanted in that time, or just make an appearance.  With plenty of pictures, an ongoing slide show Maria put together, letters and a sense of their history (plus good food, lots of it!) we felt that we had the celebration covered. 

   I expected about 30 people, and thought that they might visit throughout the 3 hours, with lulls and some quiet times.  I hoped that my Dad's very good friend from the army -some of Uncle Johnny's family might appear, although we hadn't seen them for 10 plus years, since Uncle Johnny died.  I didn't mention this to my siblings but I was hopeful.

   We may have had 50 or more in attendance and most all stayed, visiting at the same time. Incredibly overwhelmed would describe me from 1:30-3:30.   My Mom's good friends- Bessie, Blossom, Helen, May Fong, so diligent in how they looked after my Dad, families of Cousin Pat and Connie, neighbors the Grants and the Mares, Niece and Nephew Traci and Kevin, Allison and David, Aunt Janey and Judy, Doreen and family, Cousins Larry, Greg and Harry and Linda Chuck, friend Larry and Henri, and a bunch of other dear visitors.

  Half way through, we answered the door and welcomed Uncle Johnny's oldest son named after my father.  George his wife Deanna and their mom, Aunty Rose.  Aunty Rose always still has her big beaming smile even as time has shrunk her.  As a child I remember hot summer days in Sacramento at their home and visits at their restaurant in Vallejo.  There, anything I wanted could be mine as they treated me as someone who was the child of a very beloved friend.  I hear their voices, so distinctive cradling my name and alternatively calling out in more assertive tones to their seven children.  At the house at 30th AV, I hear the sound of their big car pulling up and the voices of six to seven children rolling up the stairs.  As Jimmy was to Johnny and Rose, I too was the youngest to George and May.  All distinctive individuals.

   A few years ago we uncovered-thanks to Uncle Johnny some letters that my Dad wrote to him, after the war in 1948.  That my father would write something longer than two sentences (two pages!) was astounding and not unlike finding a mammoth fossil in the backyard.

   Hey, we did it Mom and Dad.  We were able to set up a day where old friends and family, and others that didn't circulate in this circle could, breathe and share together, in your house, within your loving arms.  We'll miss you forever but mostly just thankful to have you known you and to have been cared for by you. And if there are difficult days when the loss and missing seems to overcome, I know that the memories, joys and life's lessons you brought to us will guide me back to the warmth of the sun, and the warmth of the love you tried so hard to provide.