I've been volunteering at the Alameda County Community Food Bank and at a Senior Rehabilitation Center. The center has a feel more like a depressed rest home where I do not believe most of these citizens will be rehabilitated. I've been informed that this is a good one, and this bit of information is even more depressing. In seeking out my guys, I'll say hello to several people in wheelchairs that either respond with a nod or sometimes with a big smile. Often they are asleep or if physically sitting there, mentally I don't know where. I hope never to end up in such a place.
I've avoided writing anything about my two friends here (this is a program set up by Meals on Wheels called Friendly Visitors) as I'm not sure if I'd want some idiot to write about me in his blog, even one that is meant for his children to have someday. Maybe, I'm not sure. I've visited D and Jack since March and in this time each has experienced a roommate that has died. "Hey, where's ___?" "Oh, he died". He..died?? Today when I went in to visit Jack first (as I always do- he's the early riser), I checked to see if he has a new roommate (nope) and went over to his bed but it wasn't Jack. Apologizing I stumbled back out in the hallway hoping that Jack had been moved. I caught the eyes of a nurse who has seen me visiting previously and she let me know that Jack had died this Tuesday. No details, no cause but well, they filled his bed fast. He was still very sharp- his eyes (sharp fixed looks) and voice (suggests Nathan Lane's) will always be in my head, Jack was a very big guy and it's likely a heart attack probably claimed him.
I only knew him for less than 4 months but it occurs to me that he may not have anyone to speak for him outside of his two brothers, one in Wisconsin. The center wheels them out and it's "Next!" I want to speak for Jack. As friends in the Peg have awakened me with their decency for everyone out in the streets- everyone has something to offer, everyone deserves some type of basic respect. We all have something to offer, to contribute.
I know very little about Jack. I know that he was born Jacob, raised in Chicago but at some point moved to the East Bay. He spoke of his Mother much, his father not much at all. One brother lives somewhere out here perhaps near Union City and is a Pastor at a Church. Another brother moved to Wisconsin with his wife who the family was not very fond of but made his brother happy.
It's funny the first time I met Jack. This lasted for about 15 seconds and Jack said only one word toward me; "NO!". I had walked in to introduce myself but there was some tense discussion in his room. The activities director asked Jack if he would like to meet me today and Jack looked in my direction (I think he was considering how to be socially polite but realized that in the mood he was currently in that this was not possible) and emphatically said the one word. The following week he explained that he was having a very tough time with his current roommate who was blasting his speakers (which someone had faced toward Jack's side of the room). The rooms are small enough, that they are shared spaces can make living and existing even more difficult.
Jack was easy to converse with. He enjoyed laughing and telling stories. He listened to mine, and every week might ask, "So how is the little doggy doing?" or "So, where are your next travels going to be?". His family always took in mutts or the pathetic shelter dogs and those "are the best dogs". He told (several times) a story about one dog in particular that upon first view was the most afraid and hunched up animal they had ever encountered The reason was that the dog was infested with fleas. Once washed it felt better and became a good family friend / At one later point it was picked up by the pound but immediately called out to Jack's family when they stopped in, hopeful to find him. He recognized his family's voices.
Jack watched all types of silly TV shows. I got to see parts of the new Price Is Right (Drew Cary, you are looking good!), various reality shows. He was a fan of the Judge Judy type of shows (although Judge Judy was not his favorite; too much the camera hog) and he loved Tom Selleck and his show "Blue Bloods", with Selleck playing the part of the commissioner. Thursdays a cable channel runs this show all day so I knew not to visit on Thursdays.
Today I was set to show Jack my Chicago photos (edited, as we both shared experiences of having to sit through far too many pictures of someone's vacations) and last week brought back a magnet from the Museum of Science and History. He has a nice wall of magnets, and asked me to bring him back one.
Jack also like to knit, and make blankets and hats. I could bring him materials and he appreciated this. Later he would show me how he incorporated the yarn that I'd brought him into his projects. He was working on some handicrafts that he planned to donate as he has done previously to Project Open Hand.
My supervisor pointed out that a good quality that Jack has by being so verbal is that he can advocate not only for himself but for others at the center, and I've seen him do this. Asking a nurse to check on another patient, or asking the recreation director to pick up a trinket for a nurse on one of their city trips. At the same time you would not want to be someone he was upset with. He also pointed out to me that when the center was short staffed, they would often leave him in bed. Not helping him out of it although they might claim that someone took him out into his chair. Last week he was going to we wait a day before he complained about the center failing to pay the cable bill ("we pay for service. we should have it").
Jack also made some great slow burn faces, and looks of exasperation when telling me some stories. He told me that in his life had never tried a mango and I said that as soon as they were in season I'd bring him one to try. Mangoes finally showed up in grocery stores but the ones I purchased just didn't get to a good tasting ripeness. I instead chose to bring in some thawed frozen mangoes from Trader Joes. Jack curiously and enthusiastically tried some, although carefully pondering the taste and texture.... "These are good!". We had an early morning of munching on thawed frozen mangoes. It was a good morning. A few weeks later I brought Jack a mango smoothie which he also enjoyed.
Thank you for welcoming my visits Jack. I'll miss you.
