Blues For D

Happy Birthday Dexter!


a pool in Palo Alto, Memorial Day weekend

We're not really feeling blue for Dext but having gotten to 13 in reasonably good shape, these next years may be difficult ones but hopefully and ultimately rewarding. In the decade to follow, there will be plenty of firsts and also, a defining of self and who Dexter wants to be. In this time, he will discover the blues. Let's hope that his parents can give him the support he needs and that on his most difficult of days, let him know that they love him.


Thirteen years later, this young man still believes that his father is a great guy. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. If I stumble he will rush over to be sure that I am alright. He seeks my approval and if I ever withhold it, he is terribly hurt. Empathetic and eternally goofy, we are very proud of him. flying a $2 kite at Crissy Field

We had a party in the park for Dexter when he turned one; it was a miserable day for him. The memory of that cold blustery day prevented the Happy Birthday song anywhere near Dexter until last year. So the one piece of advice I would give parents regarding birthdays- keep it small until the young ones are older. This year, with twelve years of good karma behind him, was a sunny warm day. A day of baseball, water balloons and egg toss, and honoring Dexter's wishes, all vegetables, all salt, all sweet. No meat (plus factor, no bees!).



A quiet moment sitting in front of Grandma and Grandpa's house in Redwood City.

It's Time For Someone Else's Story

Last night we went to our last Giants game of the year, and it was the only game of the year that was an enjoyable blow out, at least with us in attendance. Every other game, a nail biter. But on this night, which turned out to be the Giants last win of the year, there was a 7-0 victory with a loud, loving fan base, a two run blast into the bay waters by Brandon Belt, a pitching gem by Madison Bumgarner (who began the season 0-6, 3-9 but finished 13-13), and the first ever home run hit by rookie Connor Gillespie. Gillespie's home run had a flourish of comedy to it; an inside the park scramble including a face plant at third base (he stumbled) before getting up and beating the throw home, with a full ten second collapse at home plate.

Throughout pregame ceremonies, a 7th inning song and after the game, there was Tony Bennett. When the Giants win, the PA system plays a recording of "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" to dimmed lights, and Ralph Sharon's tinkling inviting piano, there his warm voice. As the song played, the video screen showed Bennett listening and waving to the fans.


It was a night we kept the boys out knowing that they would be tired for school but on a night where the wind was nearly non-existent, the weather warm and sky clear, the fans would even show some love for Barry Zito, who pitched a pretty nice ninth inning.

Oliver's grown to 43-44 inches tall. Tall enough to ride the big slide down the Coca-Cola bottle-
and loving the experience (the first ride with some trepidation). Ironically while Dexter always played in the little kid area every game from ages 2-9 and sneaking in to field until he was ten, Oliver has not shown similar interest. Last night with our seats in the bleachers Oliver was ready to go but was told that now he is too tall!

Why baseball is great: Tonight after 161 games four teams were tied for two last playoff spots. If each pair in each league both won or lost, they would have a one game playoff against each other (St.Louis Cardinals-Atlanta Braves, Boston Red Sox-Tampa Bay Rays) tomorrow. Both the Red Sox and Braves had very large leads with 20 games to go (9 games, 8 games) but with one regular season left, all tied.


Yankees-Tampa Bay: Yankees have a 7-0 lead into the eighth inning. Tampa Bay score six but are down to their last strike with two outs in the ninth. A hitter who has not homered since April hits a home run to tie the game. Extra innings.

Red Sox-Baltimore Orioles: Red Sox have their closer on the mound up 3-2. Two quick strikeouts. Orioles get a double knowing that Papelbon is throwing only his best pitch; hard fastballs. Still, he gets to two strikes, one strike away from the win. Two consecutive hits, the last perhaps a ball that could have been caught by Carl Crawford, a free agent who signed from Tampa Bay who not only does not catch the ball but makes a poor throw home. Reminders of the last good Pirates team (1992!) when Barry Bonds can not throw out lumbering Sid Bream at home plate.

Only minutes later, Evan Longoria hits the game winning home run for Tampa Bay. Earlier in the day, the Braves were within the last strike of winning their game forcing a one game playoff with St.Louis tomorrow but they lose, after St.Louis has won their game. The Braves and the Sox are done.


Improbable. But it happened. Twice in a day. Baseball is a humbling sport. And as the Giants also know, now begins a post season for another team to write their story.



I will miss the opportunity of seeing Dustin Pedroia play in the post season. A little guy (Red Sox- 2B) who plays hard, drives the ball, scores and knocks in runs and fields his position well. He's not much bigger than me. An inspiration for all us little guys!

Because You Never Know

About a week ago I received a phone call out of the blue- Bob Cornell, the father of Andrea "Niddy" Cornell called to say hello. It's been almost 20! years since I've heard his warm, tenor of a voice. So glad he's around- so glad when any of our fathers and mothers are still around. Bob called because he listened to a news story about a Brian Chew who is actively supporting Ed Lee for Mayor in a soundbite.

Bob reminded that he's always thought of me as being a political person, active in civil rights and justice. Who, me? I've kind of forgotten how vocal I was, somewhat strident in my beliefs, but active in them, I guess. It was a nice call for a lot of reasons- not the least of seeing myself for how I was, and how someone I remember fondly still thinks of me. Although it isn't this Chew who did the soundbite for Ed Lee (nor do I presently feel that he is the best choice for this fine city), we did wander down memory road a little bit; the first time his son Dan met me, he shook my hand and then immediately laid down a challenge to a chopstick contest. The victor would be determined by who could pick up the most M&M's with their ivory sticks- this, to the horror of his sister and father. I won. It wasn't even close. My chopsticks was a smokin'. My closest Bruce Lee moment. Dan forever endeared himself to me by doing something as goofy as this.

Bob lives in Portrero Hill. His daughter and our friend, Niddy introduced Maria and I. Niddy and her husband Glen have hosted us in Brooklyn, Larchmont, New York and Atlanta, GA where they reside with three cool daughters. On their honeymoon to Ireland we stayed in their place in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn for our first visit to New York. A great neighborhood where the older Italian ladies stand on their stoops and yell to their neighbors across the street. The old bakeries. Fine memories.Niddy has published a couple of funny books, but she is funnier in person. It's worthwhile sticking around because you never know what the day will bring. Maybe Bob Cornell will call! Huzzah!

I Could Have Been Your Special Friend

In June of 1998, I had just completed three years working at a grammar school as the Play Therapy Guy- yeah, the actual title was "Special Friend"- as part of PIP (Primary Intervention Program) This was something I fell into but I never felt fully trained for the importance of the work, although upon reflection, I did good. And here was finally the opportunity to live the credo my Uncle Morty insisted I exist by, "Be the best special friend you can be".

The skill set involved working with children that were having a difficult time connecting to school. It was not intended for at risk students, not for the high risk kids who needed something with more structure. Teachers often would try to direct some of their "high risk" children into the program. I would take in some of them knowing that any 1:1 would do them some good, too. Regardless of how they behaved in their class, teachers were committed to(but sometimes needed to be reminded) letting the child go to his or her weekly appointment; it was not to be used as behavior modification. Here, for 30 minutes a week (12 sessions) . The goal was not for the kids to get to hang out with one of America's real cool guys but the goal was for this to be one way that they could relax, feel better about themselves and thereby find a way to connect to a school setting.

It was sweet to have my own room. My third and final year, I had a very large space to work in. The second year we had a tiny area for which sharing was difficult even between co-workers that got along well, for our sessions were meant to be separate and not intrusive. My partner, Sally later moved to a different school and although we welcomed having a place of our own- we lost the immediate feedback and support that we could provide each other. We operated out of Edgewood Family Services in partnership with the SF School District but funded by private grants. I worked at Garfield Elementary which is a school on top of a very steep Filbert Street hill, sitting just below Coit Tower.


The Birds Of Telegraph Hill. At the time, they only lived there in the park above the school. During the day they would fly over like this.


Students would walk with me to the room and in their 30 minutes, it was theirs to lead. They had ownership of the sessions. There was a lot to choose from; art supplies, board games, a big sandbox, houses with many plastic play people, a basketball hoop (about 6' high)- the play could be quiet or loud (a variable/reality is a consideration of a nearby class but my third year we had some distance from other rooms so it could be loud ). Letting the child lead instead of being led allows them to move at a pace that comforts them and puts the demands on you, not them. The guidelines are few (not hurting me or themselves), and my reactions should not be judgments but a reflection of what they are doing, or expressing. It was difficult not to say things such as "that's a nice drawing". For some of the children- the shy ones who were used to being told what they should do, this concept was at first, not a comfortable one for them. I had one child, E , who during her first session was frozen - except her eyes continually studied the room. E did not move. Uncomfortable for both of us- I probably asked if she was okay and I'm not sure if I was supposed to but had to. That day was painful but next session, she went directly to an activity that she had eyed the first time and settled in. She laughed a lot.
family at Liguria Bakery at the bottom of Filbert Street. Seemingly grouchy but always warm to babies, and talk of the Giants. Great Focaccia. As Swan's Oyster Bar is unique to that type of cuisine, Liguria is also a singular SF sensation.


Some of these children were a hoot- empowered to freedom!, and freedom to be themselves, they were really clever and funny. The ones that stick with me today are the students in situations where the kids may have had the hardest time the first time in the room- not because of the room but because of where they were in their lives. Some of them may have been in the High Risk category and dealing with stuff that wasn't fair for any 6-9 year olds to deal with.

K, came into the room with a recent background of parents separated by battery and presently living in homeless shelters. He was angry and for nearly 30 minutes slammed a rubber basketball against the hoop. This might have been the only place where he could do something like this- no one was telling him to stop. Next session K was into just hanging out and decorating the room, fixing it up, providing stability. After about his eighth session, he moved into an improved living situation. Before he left, he walked over and unsolicited, shook my hand. Sometimes I wonder where he is today and I hope he, as the others are well- believing in themselves, able to find joy from darkness. Got to have hope, got to have joy.

I had few situations where I felt in situations over my abilities but the few, or one situation that I can recall was enough to know that Maria's the teacher in this family, brah! Although I would see a mental health professional once every two weeks as part of the program to confide in/ seek advice from, and had my peers to share stories with, I have a particular queasy memory. One student child enacted things with the plastic people figures to acts she may have witnessed with some unsettling detail. I didn't know you could do that with plastic play figures. I don't recall the chain of events but it involved speaking to the parent figures- real life at some point. See, I can fade out unpleasant memories. Get in an argument with me and it will be a faded recollection. Get in two arguments with me and I'll forget your name.

At lunch time I volunteered to help out during yard duty which was fun. Being present with the kids, sometimes playing some sports with them (the return of Kobe Brianyant Chew), greeting everyone and occasionally breaking up conflicts. I should have spent more time helping the kids resolve the conflicts but I was mostly concerned of this not happening on my watch, you know. And once, I made a huge thunder of a blunder. To a group of rowdy ones, I said something specific like maybe, "shut up". Ooooh, he said it. Oooooh, we're gonna tell. Oooooh, they did. And Ooooh, they should have. And I got my only unpleasant visit to the principal's office. Damn, after all these years.

Another child asked me why when explaining things, grown ups always say essentially? That was a good observation on her part. I could only come up with grown ups use this a cop out for coming up with a good solid explanation so we've learned to attach essentially to a thin reasoning before changing the subject, essentially. Second question she asked me if I was scared to go to the projects. Next question.

Another child (from the projects, yo!) I took her to see some Stanford Women's Basketball Games and clinics, introduced her to some of the players during a benefit wherein G went to Jamila Wideman (profiled in the book, In these Girls, Hope is a Muscle) - he says that you and him are friends. Is you? I never said that but Jamila was nice enough to play along, and say, Yes we are. For instinctively she knows that I am friends with everyone (my book).

Possibly the most stunning sporting performance I have witnessed first hand was during the summer leagues basketball season at Kezar Stadium. Jamila Wideman then a Junior at Stanford was leading an Oakland team of unknowns but over achievers against a extremely favored South Bay team composed of 4/5ths of the starting National championship Stanford of just three years prior. With the most inspired leadership, the undersized but brilliant play of Wideman's, defeated South Bay in a stunning final. It was crazy.

There was a boy who was not really in the program but he used to come in during his lunch period and play basketball with me. He really played to win, and I guess so did I. On one level it was cool to be the Michael Jordan of the school. So what if at most, the kids were only big fifth graders- I'm sure to Jordan, the NBA seemed as a bunch of fifth graders. For perspective, Kobe Bryant had not yet won an NBA championship (he has five? now). But one time, J played great- he couldn't miss and had a shot up in the air that would have provided him forever bragging rights- the ball seemed to travel in slo mo - we both watched it arch upward then roll around the rim only to fall away. Whew. It's not as if I was going 100%...maybe 91%.

Another teacher, was not a favorite of the principal our first year ( her first year teaching grade 5). She had one student whose parents would leave him for three months of the year going home to China for the family business. T was clearly not happy about this and would run away. If in trouble in class, he would run out the door and out the yard, maybe to the bushes above the school or in the streets of North Beach and Chinatown. Ms. L couldn't leave her class and somehow T seemed to time it when I had the time to go find him. Detective that I am, and (then) fleet of foot I would run through back alleys, and from previous small talk with him have an idea where he might be, and convince T to come back. I couldn't make a habit of this but he liked the attention, I think.

Every Halloween we would march down the hill to Washington Square Park- I wore my bear costume (then, still a rental) and after getting punched and tackled by the older kids would regret wearing the outfit. The third year-somehow the principal agreed to my great (stupid) idea of having the bear show up on the roof announced by the principal as the Great Bear Of Halloween Present. Assembled in the school yard, the students would look up to the top of the roof, and Great Hallow Bear would appear, and make a grand meaningful announcement to the impressionable youths. I never considered that 3 classrooms of kinder-gardeners would be terrified into a screaming frenzy. I guess you live and you learn.

After three years our grant was up and although the principal offered me a tutoring job, I passed knowing that in September '98, greatness would come into our lives, in the form of Dexter Chew. And despite my enjoyment especially at graduations and some friendships I made, notably with the school counselor L.G.- the following would be the coolest five months; first a trip to London with my family and then with both Maria and I staying home, we welcomed the third member into our happy collective.


Tonight I sat down and made myself write something. I didn't have anything at first, started on another topic about Maria made me work at Peet's. This was only a paragraph in the beginning of that topic but then it brought back some nice memories and probably too many words. Oh well- Timmy won today, Beltran hit two homers, and the Giants at least have a nice run going again. And I feel good.

Pistachios

If you gave me a 20# bag of pistachios, I would eat them - nearly all of them in one setting. I would force myself to stop- knowing that eating too many nuts can make me ill. It would be hard to stop. I love pistachios. I came late in life to pistachios. Didn't have my first pistachio until I was 24, and that was in ice cream. Initially, I didn't like that ice cream (it's a texture thing) but over the years, that ice cream- specifically Double Rainbow White Pistachio ice cream has become a favorite.

There was a year when I couldn't stomach a pistachio and that was right after the 1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake. Maria and I had to strain all the rotten smelly ice cream down the sink. Double Rainbow uses so many pistachios that the ice cream wouldn't strain and we had to dig our hands into the spoiled unrefrigerated dairy and dig the nuts out. We wished we wore gas masks.

Shelling pistachios is just enough work to feel as if I've earned the fruit -like nut but not too difficult of a chore to dissuade my continuous pursuit. It fills a need when I'm nervous or pondering; better than pulling out my hair or biting my nails. Eating pistachios has a similar quality to biting my nails but is much more of a socially approved behavior. No one ever looks at my hands and says, "you eat pistachios, don't you?" And if they did, I would answer
yes, yes, yes! The way I guzzle pistachios is only matched by the way I consume popcorn; send me away. Avert your eyes. I barely breathe.

Pistachios. Pistachios. Pistachios. I love pistachios. I should provide the history, nutritional content and the folklore of pistachios. However I don't care about any of that. I just want to eat pistachios, pistachios, pistachios.





This man couldn't wait. He drove to the land of pistachios and began eating Pistachio Place.
I don't blame him.





By the way I can also pop popcorn on the stove top to the last kernel. It's a talent. Some people are mathematical geniuses, some people can hit a baseball 500 feet, some people can write. I can pop popcorn. And eat pistachios.

Beltranned! ?

Alright. I've been stuck on another post that I just can't fight my way through so it's time for a hearty baseball one. For those not able to participate in the sheer enjoyment of RBI's and OBP%, the attachment features a nice article, although with some sadness.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2011/09/06/MNK01L0AV2.DTL


Take heart Giant fans. While still mathematically possible and Arizona's pitching ultimately questionable, it does not seem that Giants are going to roll into the playoffs in 2011. Consider that half the teams that have gotten in the World Series have not made the playoffs the following year. Plus few teams lose players that the Giants have lost this year to injury. In time and reflection, I'm going to appreciate the fact that some people are not replaceable; this isn't a machine that the corporation can just replace with another model.

Last year the Giants became Buster Posey's team and without him- somehow with mirrors, magic, and willpower the team did pretty well. For a deceptive, hopeful time. If the Giants had collapsed when Posey went down, no one in SF would have been disappointed as we are now. Brian Wilson and Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain are big parts of the team but they are pitchers and impact of a pitcher is not the same as an everyday player (although Wilson comes pretty close). Freddie Sanchez was by far the best hitter the team had with runners in scoring position and without him, what is the Giants most glaring weakness?

Next to hitting- at least hitting in crucial situations, this year's team has also suffered defensively, nearly 35 % more fielding errors this year. And this does not even speak to the limited range of the defensive unit we've had on the field this year. While the eventual replacement of Freddie Sanchez with a very able and successful hitting Jeff Keppinger has seemed to be an equal trade off, fans forget that Freddie Sanchez won a battle title with the Pirates. Also, having just watched game #4 of the World Series where Sanchez made 4 excellent defensive plays- Keppinger may not have made any of them and the score 4-0 Giants might have been 5-4 Texas.

I remember after last year's World Series and Parade, I said that this year I would happily give manager Bochte and GM Sabean a pass for anything that happened- so I will. I admit this after much aggravation, radio tossing, and growling in the month of August. I just needed to back off a bit and appreciate what we've shared and been able to witness. Humility comes quick in baseball.

Think about it Giant fans-if there was no World Series win last year, if you were getting late in your life, ill of health you might consider trading in a year of bed wetting for one World Series championship. Well, it did happen- so look forward to your year in diapers!

And of the knuckleheads that lament the Giants not getting any top tier free agents for this year- the few signings more as rewards for Cody Ross and Aubrey Huff. It is of note that last year Ross was not penned in as the starter for the team until the playoffs- the Giants had been leaning toward playing Jose Guillen before his trouble with MLB. Before the playoffs, Ross had 7 RBI's in about 80 plus at bats, which is fairly equal to the production he's provided this year as a starter. Cody may be one of the great playoff players ever but it's a long season to endure, to possibly get there.

Free Agents: the Giants could have signed Vernon Wells as the California
Angels did for an astounding $26.5 million dollars/one year equal to the same poor stats that Aubrey Huff has delivered. If Jayson Werth said that he really wanted to play for the Giants for a bit less money, the Giants might have jumped at the chance- and the fans too ($126 million/7 years-Nationals) for his 52RBI .231Avg season. How about Adam LaRouche (a bargain at $7 million-Nationals) but only lasting 151 at bats before hitting .172 with 15 RBI. Or Adam Dunn- the last eight years with at least 38 home runs each year - seemingly guaranteed stats until this year hitting .162, 11 Hr, 48 RBI ($12 million/White Sox) , Alex Rios ($12 million White Sox) .220 BA, 8 Hr, 34 RBI. We could have had those guys if our GM really tried.

Minor League Sensations: Statistics are deceptive in the minors. Consider that in the major leagues, you have 80-90% of pitchers that should be in the big game (some are bodies filling up roster spots, some are underachievers or past their time) but the minors have probably 90% of pitchers that never will make the major leagues. And this is why guys such as Todd Linden, Cody Ransom and John Bowker can put up massive numbers in AAA ball. (Bowker by the way just lucked into getting a gig with the Phillies). In the big show, all their weaknesses will be exploited and if adjustments can not be made, just another footnote of great unanswered promise.

The team misses Juan Uribe's production, clutch hitting (he often would get those RBI's in poor hitting, low scoring games that this year's team no longer seems to be able to provide) and perhaps lucky charm and key pinch hitter Travis Ishikawa (who hasn't played at all with the big club this year). At one point in early August, Uribe (Doders) Renteria (Reds), and Miguel Tejada (Giants) all had 26 RBI's, although Tejada had about 100 more at bats. Tejada, great teammate he might be was terrible- production wise, all year.

Our home grown strengths- pitching is still our strength. Provided Wilson's arm is okay and we can determine who our fifth starter will be has next year in good shape. Hitting needs improvement obviously but should be (barring injuries of course) better (at least we know where we need help)- Posey, catcher. Huff, Belt, Pill (1B/OF). Sanchez, 2b (probably can't afford Keppinger as back up- nor would he want to be a back up), Shortstop- Crawford? great defense makes a big difference so I'd lean toward him. Sandoval/Panda at third (please learn to swing at fewer bad pitches and despite the success this year, drive in more runs. Late inning solo shots are impressive but often with leads and no base runners, pitchers will challenge more. Outfield- one of the 1b rotation guys? Nate Schierholtz (a starter or a really good fourth outfielder?), definitely the need for a lead off hitter with Torres as back up. If the Giants believe that he can hold up for two years, then sign Carlos Beltran.

If he likes playing here perhaps Beltran might sign for a bit less somewhere else. Rockies? If he can stay healthy is the biggest concern. With Posey and Sanchez in the line up, and an even more improved Panda- plus a genuine lead off hitter, it can be a strong line up. Fans get into Beltans' slow start with the team but it's a difficult thing to come over as the #1 guy; much better to be a very good third guy as Hunter Pence benefited with the Phillies. With Beltran, guys who were somehow squeezing out needed runs relaxed, relieved that their overachievement could end; the alchemy was altered. And Beltran did not have a Jose Reyes on base as he did with the Mets. An ace pitcher can be acquired late in the season, his teammates know that they can only depend on him every fifth day- and that they still will need to hold the line for the other four. Be

Much is made of Beltran's taking a called third strike with Mets vs. the Cardinals in a playoff game that would lead to going to the World Series for the Cardinals- but it was a great pitch. Beltran got them as far as they went. Last year, Wilson got Ryan Howard looking on a great pitch (great pitches are usually borderline calls) and Nelson Cruz swinging to end the NLCS and World Series but that did not/ must not diminish the contributions that Howard and Cruz put forth for their teams. Beltran's bat, pitch selection (usually), his willingness and ability to hit to all fields and even his slide last night to go around the tag at home- impressive.

Talking heads said at the beginning of the year that the Giants had not done much to improve their team and because of injuries, they are proven correct. Next year, not only does the team have a better grasp of what needs improvement (no more of "we hope Zito can be a strong starter"), finding a proven lead off hitter younger than 50, and a hitter just like the one we already have- even if for now he's just a Netflix rental.

Beltranned!!