I'm So Sorry About Your Wife

{Unidentified, Aunt Grace in MickeyMouse attire, Dad, Aunt Jeanette, our candidate for the Rat Pack}

What did she do now? My cousin leaned over to me at yesterday's service for Auntie Grace and quietly said "I'm so sorry about the loss of your wife". He had mistakenly...wait, let me check. Looking to my left...my cousin had mistakenly heard that Maria had died. No sir, that was definitely Maria who gave me the scowl when bad daddy crashed with Oliver while attempting to film riding the inner tube . And yes thankfully, still with us!

The irony of this moment was that it was uttered by my kind cousin, who for many years I thought of him as my Uncle because of a twenty year difference in age. Ten years ago I though he had died. I was in line with my parents at an open casket service preparing to pay respects to my Uncle- when behind me, he walked up. Spooked, seriously spooked. After a double take and immense dread as to who was actually in the casket, I submerged the question I wanted to cry out- aren't you dead?!, and instead said mumbled a hello, and and apologies- apologies mostly that at this important event, I neglected to do the most basic of homework; who is in the casket? It was my cousin's father who I did not know well. Sr. and Jr. So I find it funny that my cousin would unknowingly pursue an appropriate bit of misinformation, which momentarily lightened my mood. If the time was appropriate perhaps I could have told told him that I had made the much larger mistake years ago.

Speaking of which, once, at a service which I attended with my parents, both of whom were pretty broken up about the loss, we approached the grieving family. Not recognizing my mom, who was a beautiful woman, they thanked my father for attending and bringing his mother. We laughed about this all the way home. Sometimes the funny things can be found in the darkest of days.

Also in saying goodbye to Auntie Grace yesterday and her sister Auntie Jeanette today, it was difficult for my father but the goodbyes were delivered in a celebratory way. Both days provided fond recollections followed by lunch and today was full of good humor. Auntie Jeanette, or Janet depending when you knew her, was a gambler, rambler, full of life, independent One of her daughters said Jeanette was not fitting the concept of mother that the daughter had, but instead realized the mother she was; loyal, full of fire and spirit, and loving. The room was full of some of her favorite things; champagne bottles tagged with "Cheers Honey", candy, gaming cards from casinos, and photos of Jeanette with her grandchildren. Full of vim and vigor. We think of her as someone who hung with the angels and the devils, in the old days of Vegas. So bonded to her sister Grace that she would not live without her. Jeanette called my father when Grace died and a day later, suffered a final heart attack.

To have known Auntie Grace and Auntie Jeanette, Auntie Ann (shout out for Fong Fong Bakery from Chinatown of the past) and Auntie Lily- all sisters and grand personalities, looking out at all the faces in the restaurant today helps me to reconcile life's blessings and the sweetness that survives the sorrow.


Dad with his younger cousin Rev.Harry Chuck. Harry is a great guy, tireless advocate for folks in Chinatown, is usually called on to preside over these family services, and is a fine singer in his own right.
By the way Harry is not the cousin I referred to earlier. Dad used to look after Harry when he was younger and Harry is always appreciative of this.

Caffeine coming home

Much speculation these days of Peets (est. 1966 Berkeley) being acquired by Starbucks (est. 1971 Seattle). It's a logical move as this would provide Starbucks with more diversity; sort of a Starbucks Bold blend, and Peets with more market (visibility and market shares). My interest is having been with Peets for nearly ten years ('98-07) before it was controlled by shareholders, before syrups and vendors with 1-800 #'s, before it was diluted (less coffee per water ratio).

Currently the spin makers at Peets are most likely detailing a plan to deal with anger and appeasement; something to the tune of : don't worry, we're not changing our culture, we're changing their culture. This will allow us the opportunity to bring our artisan coffee to more people and allow you to enjoy Peet's in more places across the world. Coffee with Khadaffi, perhaps. I would not foresee any radical changes, as over time, these have already happened.

Whether intentional or not, it seems to me that both sides have been slowly planning on this saddle up sally alignment for some time. Starbucks now offers its Pikes Peak roast, a throwback to an original blend and a bolder (fuller body, thicker) than their normal blends. Who helped create the first Starbucks roast? Why, no other than Alfred Peet himself. More later.
In the last four years Peets has made their urn coffee in their shops uniformed and more watered down. For many years when you got a cup of coffee at Peets, it might keep you buzzing for hours. It was as strong and full, possibly stronger than cups you can get today at Blue Bottle or Philz. Four years ago i did the math and had the precise figures but this should still be fairly accurate: Used to be 1.3 pounds of coffee to 220 oz. of water. Now 1 pound of coffee to 198 oz. of water. The excuse is that smaller batches are made to keep the coffee fresher but truth is, less coffee is used per water, and in the morning rush hours, our store was making a fresh batch every 10 minutes.

When we used to pride ourselves on the differences between us and them, I was once disheartened to attend a managers meeting where a regional manager spoke at length about how we need to embrace the Starbucks business model, how we should want to be like them. No matter that he was later terminated due to some harassment issues; he was speaking honestly with an inside to how the business was being run. Not unlike the music business where the music, or the coffee (and tea)once mattered most- once the marketing and spin doctors take over- profits increase as becomes the primary focus. The product becomes more generic and the spin/marketing becomes bold: If it's not Peet's, it's not coffee (an actual marketing campaign).


Quick History and how the companies are related:
In 1966 Alfred Peet started Peet's Coffee, Tea an Spices in Berkeley. No espresso drinks. A few years later business partners, coffee aficionados, academics Gerald Baldwin, Gordon Bowker and
Zev Siegel approached Peet to learn the business. He agreed to show them but with the agreement that they would not open their business in the Bay Area. In 1971 Starbucks was born in Seattle. As it followed the Peets plan, Starbucks did not make espresso drinks, just selling beans, cups of coffee, and hardware. Starbucks purchased coffee from Peet's the first year, and the first Starbucks in Pikes Place is noticeably brown, not green. In 1984 Baldwin and Peet's roastmaster, Jim Reynolds purchased the four Peet's stores.

In 1987 Baldwin and Bowker (Siegel had dropped out in 1980) decided to sell Starbucks to a newer partner, Howard Schultz -who with his investors had a plan of massive growth. Baldwin wanted to settle in the bay area and focus on Peet's. Bowker would soon begin Redhook Brewery. Starbucks went public in 1992 and Peets followed in 2001. Up until 2001 Peets employees could not wear a logo shirt of any kind, not even a Peet's shirt. Beginning with the horrid IPO (public offering of stock purchase) tshirts that all retail employees were told to wear, that all changed.

In my experience at Peets, I appreciated that full health benefits were granted to part time employees who maintained at least 21 hours of work a week and enjoyed the craft and culture of fine coffee and teas. It seemed that several people were in place with a direct lineage to Alfred Peet- roast masters Jim Reynolds, John Weaver, Doug Welsh, Tea Guru Eliot Jordan and certainly, Jerry Baldwin. It wasn't until Pat O'Dea (Mother's Cookies, Procter and Gamble, Sunny Delight beverages) was brought in as CEO in 2002 and noticeably changes were made in the next few years eliminating local vendors: Clover, neighborhood linen companies, small pastry vendors, coffee repairs- all turning to companies with 1-800 #'s, or national chains. Peets began to show up at every corner in upper class neighborhoods, in airports, in grocery stores. The emphasis of stores where the accountability of quality is not measured as strongly as the accountability in profit. And even with that, a business model that more stores generate more profit. And more expenses (save expenses by cutting payroll, perhaps extending the shelf life of the coffee). Jerry pretty much left the day to day to focus on his vineyards, with Jim following. John Weaver left in '07 .

First Snow

First snow of the season for us. First snow ever for Oliver. First snow I've experienced with Dexter. South Lake Tahoe, below Heavenly. Hale, Colleen, Maya and Eli. Similar to luge tracks but widened
for inner tubes just behind our cabin, #6. Just a hop up the hill. Digging deep for clean ice serenaded in grenadine syrup. Ambushed by the kids








and pelted with a flurry of snow balls. Bad dad moment videotaping one downhill run- leading to a crash, camera spinning 360 ten to fifteen times. Holding on to Oliver, bad dad slips when standing and clobbers the back of his own head. Clouded head does not prevent the thrill of the ride downhill; laughter all the way. At the top of the hill post crash, Oliver reminds to keep my legs together. Games, naps, hot chocolate, Irish coffee, a call from Allison that John has broken his collarbone, view of Voyager, car rental and many groceries, laughter in Apples to Apples, pictures to tell a story.

The Blog Days of March

Are these the slowest days to write a blog? Searching for material worth writing between the ebb of winter and springs gracious appearance? Answering to the call of duty and responding to life's bitter turns? We had such a turn this week.

Whenever I receive emails from my sister that begin and end with "call me as soon as you get this", I feel uneasy and nervous. My father's favorite cousin and perhaps closest relative, Aunty Grace died. We wanted Dad to find out in person, and not over the phone. Fortunately in this situation he is not a computer person in any way so he would not stumble upon the news on a Facebook page or email. It was decided that I should be the one to tell him after dinner.

Aunty Grace is a joyful person. She and Uncle Tommy always treated me well, welcoming me when I visited their jewelry shop downtown. I liked to visit them. Years later at my wedding, my family dressed well and in suits and dresses. Aunty Grace had a good time, in a slick Mickey Mouse t-shirt. Her casual delightful approach also bailed out our friend Larry, who dressed in red bandana, tshirt and in his best gypsy-pirate attire. With Aunty Ann, Aunty Grace put the Mardi Gras Beads that were on every table -on their heads. Years later when Dexter was born, she showed up, unannounced at our front door with a gift and a red talking dragon. Usually we would only see her at funeral services where she and my father would gravitate to each other, take solace and comfort in the presence of the other, and later at a banquet, share memories and laughter. Her laugh was big and could lift you up, out of your sorrow. At some point in every one of these events, Aunty Grace would pull me aside and tell me in her gentle but strong way to look after my father.

Her loss would crush my father. And at 4:30 in the afternoon as I was preparing to gather my belongings, finish the work day and take the long bus ride to my Dad's, Maria called to let me know that Dad had gotten a phone call with the news. Perhaps a resistance to receive the news but also the weakness in hearing words from a phone, Dad could not understand what he was being told. And it was Dexter who had to translate and speak the words. Not the way we
planned it and the last way we would have chosen this path to be walked.

And yet, in his caring way Dexter was able to do this and stand tall for his grandfather, his parents, his family and himself. Dexter is in tune with the feelings of others, and we feel great pride in the person that he is. If he does not carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, if he understands that there will be pain and suffering beyond his capacity to heal,
Dext will be alright in his life. When he is thinking of himself, the young man has a tendency to drown in his drama -such drama! Interacting with others he senses the hurt and pain of people around him, and is quick to offer help. He does not like being alone, a deep fear and I know not where this seed was born. I do know that on a cold Tuesday afternoon, my father might have fallen but Dexter, as he does for me on a daily basis, lifted him up.

My father is standing, saddened but accepting. In the morning he still walks in a crooked path to the picture of my mother and in a silent whisper, kisses her face.

a word from the family

Maria asked me to post this from our family members, Jackie and Josh. And to its content is every good reason why I should. (certainly beats my last blog in having something to say!)

Join me in my efforts to support Walk Now for Autism Speaks

Please join me in my efforts to support Walk Now for Autism Speaks! Can you imagine hearing the words "your child has autism"? In a split second, life - as you know it - has changed. For a different family every 15 minutes, tomorrow will never be the same. By participating in this event, you are helping to change the future for all who struggle with autism. By walking, you are getting us one step closer to finding what causes autism, how to prevent and treat it, and ultimately a cure so no family ever hears those words again. Until then, we walk to find answers and raise awareness about the devastating toll that autism has had on families like ours. I need you to help make tomorrow be about dance lessons, school lunches and first words rather than therapy, doctor appointments and despair. Together, we will find the missing pieces. My brothers, Stephen and Jonathan, are my greatest inspirations. Both being at the severe end of the spectrum, life growing up was hard- but at the same time so rewarding. Facing these barriers growing up was pretty tough, but I wouldn't change my life for the world. They have taught me to be kind, to have compassion, empathy, sympathy, to be grateful for what life has to offer... to strive to be the best person I can be. I owe it all to them. I walk for Stephen and Jonathan. I walk for my parents- a couple of the strongest people I know. I walk for the parents who just found out their child is autistic. I walk for the siblings of autistic kids who are struggling to live life as normally as possible. I walk to show my support and to help find the missing pieces of the puzzle. With your help last year, I was able to raise $1,234. Please help me reach my goal of $1,500 for this year's walk. http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/sonoma/jackieliss www.walknowforautismspeaks.org Sincerely, Jackie Liss