In Memoriam

       Life is short. Life is long. Life is precious. Souls who we miss, lost to this world earlier this year. I would be neglectful not to remind Dexter and Oliver about them.

       Josie, our friend Tina's Aunt (Auntie Jo), lived 3 years past what the doctors said she would after her fall down the stairs in her apartment.  For a time in a coma-state, then awakened with last rites she was given the choice to go quickly or to battle with uncertainty and pain the only guarantees.  For Josie, she was not ready to go and this kind smiling woman was able to draw from the depths of strength  and will always inside her.  She lived much longer than anyone expected.  Days before she died, she had gone walked Walgreens on Chestnut Street to purchase some gifts for her beloved grandchildren.

        Connected to feeding tubes and with an at home care nurse, Josie lived as she had; receiving guests, getting outside.  She could not speak for some time but slowly began to, although her voice was not the smooth contessa di grazia we had known, Josie chose her words carefully and slowly.  Josie had the brightness of old and her beaming smile and spirit still inspire.  In the last year she chose to remove the tubes and to eat some foods, to try to savor the experience of taste and texture when she could.  Finally Josie had reached the point of being ready, having accomplished much, providing her family time for proper closure, to give love, to defy the doctors.  She let go of her time on this earth having proven her determination.

      Milt Mares. The NEGOT8TR, well, that's what his clunky license plate read anyway. He was our childhood neighbor, an attorney with the license plate that we translated as "negro theater" and were afraid that he was a closet racist.  Milt certainly was an instigator and a protector of his home (heaven forbid if someone walked their dog leaving a mess on his lawn and not cleaning it), and as an extension of his home, his neighborhood.  Letters to the city, to the local newspapers, a gadly, a pain in the ass, a Republican that I didn't mind so much.

     The story as related here before is that when he moved into the neighborhood (the Avenues, Richmond Dist.) we had been used to using his stairs as the ideal stair baseball field but our new neighbor took an immediate dislike to us. The first encounter did not go well and my recollection is my friend John D. calling out Milt with "old man", "shut up" and later, "Rookie".  Rookie stuck (wonder why the other terms did not) and this became not only our long term reference but an affectionate one as well.  Not only did we continue as visitors, he often played our street games with us, and his I can take it and I can dish it out sense of humor fit our brand completely.  He became our friend. Even after moving away, I looked forward to when I could visit with Milt and Soni with the boys over the holidays and enjoyed the occasions when we shared breakfast and lunches.  Milt also was occupied skunk, raccoon, release projects into Lincoln Park from his back yard. Obsessed might be the more appropriate term.

     With the wonderful Soni at his side, I always expected the Mares to be at 30th, and now it seems so quiet without him.  We didn't know he was sick with cancer but these terrible back surgeries we believed he had experienced, had left him visibly weaker.  I especially enjoyed when the Mares visited cafes I worked and they seemed happy to sit and receive the VIP service I was delighted to provide.  You can choose to build bridges in life and the bridge built with Milt to friendship is one that will be remembered fondly.

     Kay Halla,  the beloved wife of my friend Matthew from Hotel and Restaurant, who provided Matt with kindness and love when he needed it and their wonderful children (and their families), Crystal, Melissa and MJ.  We didn't see them much but kept in contact and had a blast visiting them in Virginia awhile ago.  After battling several health scares in recent years, (Olivia) Kay died quietly in her sleep, not expected but yet peacefully.

     Barbara Amberg is always in our minds and hearts, remembered as a good, kind soul.  Our friend Barbara left us too soon as she battled cancer for several years until she no longer could.  The last few years had been up and down, with chemo treatments bringing some hope, and privately for B, much pain. However Barbara was always happy to see us, taking great joy in the company of the boys.  As a former librarian her affection for children was always present, as her love for the cats that Barbara and Michael took in.

     We knew Barbara as Michael's companion and if there are two people who contrasted and balanced each other out, these two might be exhibit A as the pillars of such a balance.  Barbara's outgoing nature and big laugh were always easy to be around, and we regret not being around her more than we had.  She had many interests, curious in the ways of people. devoted to her family, faith, and friends. Her commitment to community extended to her library and the community of her Church, and the good folks that went to both places. That is a lot of people!

     We miss her presence in our lives, and knowing if we need warmth and love (just like a part of the fabric of her ongoing knitting projects) we didn't have to go far to find it.  In fact, we always felt Barbara's love.

      We miss these  individuals.  They always are a reminder that life is an opportunity, and the living happens each day.

     

He Likes Diversity, And Found His Calling

     Dexter finished the latest round of the big Sota musical, this year being the Music Man. Not the most exciting choice especially compared to last year's Spamalot- however, well done. A fine production with great costumes, good performances (some excellent) , sets and for Dexter as co-lead Lighting (with Iain)-100 light cues were accomplished successfully.  It's a great thing to see him find a passion and have the talent and dedication to fulfill these tasks.   At 16 he finally has discovered a circle of people that he enjoys and seeks out to be a part of (although we miss him)  He is welcomed in these groups and Dexter also enjoys the confidence of his lead Tech professor, Paul K.  Paul likes to tell stories- one, about 18 years ago as a bartender overheard two parents attempting to persuade their son to stay in school. They wanted their boy to drop his pursuit of his dream of a new search engine (there was already several successful search engines in existence) . Paul decided to do something he normally would not do and suggested to the young man that his parents were providing the best advice, and that the name of his search engine, "Google" was idiotic. Sergei Brin did finish out his Stanford years but aside for a pair of sneak glasses was apparently never heard from again.

   And what of this diversity I suggest? Yes, Dext appreciates the differences we all offer, and in honor of this, he has received a letter grade of each type, one A, one B, one C, one D, one F (Spanish).  We would really like him to balance out his studying and find some ways to dedicate himself to those subjects he doesn't feel much like dedicating himself too.

     I recently asked him does he get nervous before a presentation in front of his peers or a class. He responded that he doesn't and that he got this trait from myself, and his Mom.  Little does he know about the knots! and knerves! but it's incredibly sweet of him to think of his skills passed from us to him. Perhaps as a child  he may have attended some speeches Maria made or helped with some  holiday meetings that I led.

     And of his brah-brah (D's term), Oliver?  Oliver is excited to go to a new school in Alameda in the Fall (Aug '15) and I look forward to walking him to and picking him up from on a daily basis until he has friends.  We've taken to playing an endless game of tag from sun up to night time and it's crazy endless fun.  Perhaps a little obsessive. I just need to take care that I do not run over little children in attempts to catch Oliver.  The little speedy twerp!  Ollie is growing into his body and has turned into quite the charmer. Joyful but also not one to avoid a big sulk, or every morning slumber that allows him to rise with promptness. He also has not  been able to deliver urgency when it's been requested as time to get to it.  Yet, his spirit and kindness is great to be around and a very beautiful quality.  We are privileged to have the company of these boys in this family and we know it.

My Present Days

    Having been a contractor at work we were continually at threat for losing our contract at Google (not even for our efforts but for inconsistent performances at other offices). At times, this did occur.  Pitney Bowes lost their entire contract in 2012 but this was valid as Pitney Bowes was inefficient at best, and more accurately, terrible in truth.  Then working with  Eurest Services (Compass Group/Crothall) involved much more work but with a respectable pay bump and a title to serve my ego. It was a better fit for the type of service I was providing.  I was always confident that if there were any changes that our spot in the office would be converted onto the new team due to the success of our job duties.  And again in October 2014,  Eurest lost the SF contract (MTV, after Pitney had taken on another company with limited success) and this time the contract was awarded to JLL, a bigger international player.  What was continually troublesome to me is that despite not taking sick time (exceptions were when my parents died and one day when the Giants won in 2010) and having much vacation saved up, this was all lost (yes, awarded a payout but that's not what I wanted. I wanted the time). Back to one year, one week paid vacation. Sigh.

    Last year with Eurest we were so busy with Mail Services/ Moves in the office (the office is going through a 3 year improvement floor by floor) that taking a week off would impact our service levels (my work mate Michael left in May to move back to Peoria, IL)  to the extent that I wasn't comfortable doing.  At home our situation was we are now in Alameda,and both feeling stressed about work and time.  After long days and later returns there was not much time for preparing healthy meals, time for the kids and time for each other.  Everything seemed jumbled, and rote.

   Our savings could allow one of us to stay home and to take care of all the day to day needs so when everyone else returned from school and work, they could crash and relax (homework not included).  Maria needs to work for her well being and what she does is her passion.  I enjoyed what I did, and especially the crowd in the office.  However my work was certainly not my passion. At the same time , it was not easy to leave as I didn't want to depart my team or the good set of folks in the office but so busy were the days that I might not speak to any regulars but for minutes in a month.  I wanted to get the office through the crazy month of December but on the week I had targeted to put in my notice, my boss submitted her transfer notice (to Colorado)....Argh! I waited a month until January to put in my 30 day notice. Of which, I didn't inform outside my team as I desired to leave quietly and because what I do involves so many people, didn't want to visit room to room, desk to desk either.

    Christian had posted something on his Facebook so a few people reached out late in the week and on Friday one Brandon Chalk handed me an envelope on behalf of others  which turned out to be a large amount in Giants cards (crazy!) as well as later receiving 2 behind home plate tix to a Giants/A's preseason game from the Events team , that we attended last week.  Here, months later I  receive mail from some of the peeps and it's nice to be in their thoughts.  It's been a successful transition for me and although I'll be seeking out some volunteer gigs in the coming months, I've had the opportunity to have my time back, and to take care of my big 3.  Also around the daily tasks, been able to get in a daily bike ride, sit in the garden and sun, and catch a lot of movies. I notice that other people are walking faster than me, and although I do miss engaging people daily, the tranquility of gliding on (Dexter's) bike brings me to appreciate these days.  I've gotten a good opportunity in life and I am happy to accept it.