Sunday, March 31, 2013
Gather to Say Goodbye
On March 10 we hosted family and friends at the house on 30th Avenue to have some type of ceremony and closure to the death of my father. My sister did not want this to be a gloomy memorial so we referred the event as a celebration of his (and mom's ) life and it most certainly was. Dexter and Oliver jumped in and honored this set of grandparents as we knew they would. Hingee and Mike were on board once their initial reservations were addressed- Mike helped get the house in fine shape for the day and Hingee broadened the invitations to relatives I may have neglected.
Maria and I promised that we would be the caretakers for the event and would be hosting the entire time if my brother and sister needed to step away. We just asked if we could provide a very good meal in the most casual and warm setting. We always got Dad walnut prawns from Ton Kiang on Geary Street and that is where we decided to get all the food from. They always remembered my folks whenever they went there although in later years, they didn't go there as often. Mom had favorite places to go to but always liked finding new places. We took Dad there not that long ago, and it's always a welcome stop after a long day at Hardly Strictly. Dexter and I really enjoy the spicy string beans over crispy noodles and i can't get enough of their foil wrapped chicken.
The only part of tradition that we kept was in the preparation of red envelopes to hand out to our guests as they departed. Inside each envelope was candy (Starburst) and a quarter. The candy is to provide sweetness after the sour and the quarter to encourage purchasing more sweet. However the day that was, Sunday from 12-3pm (but really 5) was a sweet one. We didn't want a schedule, just a period of time that people could come over, stay as long as they wanted in that time, or just make an appearance. With plenty of pictures, an ongoing slide show Maria put together, letters and a sense of their history (plus good food, lots of it!) we felt that we had the celebration covered.
I expected about 30 people, and thought that they might visit throughout the 3 hours, with lulls and some quiet times. I hoped that my Dad's very good friend from the army -some of Uncle Johnny's family might appear, although we hadn't seen them for 10 plus years, since Uncle Johnny died. I didn't mention this to my siblings but I was hopeful.
We may have had 50 or more in attendance and most all stayed, visiting at the same time. Incredibly overwhelmed would describe me from 1:30-3:30. My Mom's good friends- Bessie, Blossom, Helen, May Fong, so diligent in how they looked after my Dad, families of Cousin Pat and Connie, neighbors the Grants and the Mares, Niece and Nephew Traci and Kevin, Allison and David, Aunt Janey and Judy, Doreen and family, Cousins Larry, Greg and Harry and Linda Chuck, friend Larry and Henri, and a bunch of other dear visitors.
Half way through, we answered the door and welcomed Uncle Johnny's oldest son named after my father. George his wife Deanna and their mom, Aunty Rose. Aunty Rose always still has her big beaming smile even as time has shrunk her. As a child I remember hot summer days in Sacramento at their home and visits at their restaurant in Vallejo. There, anything I wanted could be mine as they treated me as someone who was the child of a very beloved friend. I hear their voices, so distinctive cradling my name and alternatively calling out in more assertive tones to their seven children. At the house at 30th AV, I hear the sound of their big car pulling up and the voices of six to seven children rolling up the stairs. As Jimmy was to Johnny and Rose, I too was the youngest to George and May. All distinctive individuals.
A few years ago we uncovered-thanks to Uncle Johnny some letters that my Dad wrote to him, after the war in 1948. That my father would write something longer than two sentences (two pages!) was astounding and not unlike finding a mammoth fossil in the backyard.
Hey, we did it Mom and Dad. We were able to set up a day where old friends and family, and others that didn't circulate in this circle could, breathe and share together, in your house, within your loving arms. We'll miss you forever but mostly just thankful to have you known you and to have been cared for by you. And if there are difficult days when the loss and missing seems to overcome, I know that the memories, joys and life's lessons you brought to us will guide me back to the warmth of the sun, and the warmth of the love you tried so hard to provide.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Be The Best Thetan You Can Be
NPR , Going Clear
My, time passes fast when you're kissing ass. No, not me but that phrase just came in my head, didn't know where to put it so oddly it lands here. Feel free to use it. Boys I do not recommend referencing it in any work or living environment.
So let's get back to life. We're all balancing out this loss of one key player in our lives and finding the right time for each of us to express it. Dexter's time came later than the rest of us and it is a day to day personal tumble but in the grand scheme of things, it's part of the grand scheme of all things. Got it. Tears, then steps.
Why am I so fascinated with Scientology? I'll inform. Back in the day- 17 years of old working in my first real job (Sylvia's Continental Restaurant - fine dining and pizza- go figure!), not including years of newspaper tossing. Chris Kelly, who mostly ran a construction business but also had a fairly successful pizza operation called Red Boy Pizza. He found that it may have been easier to get girlfriends with a restaurant or two- Sylvia! and when he wasn't willing/able to pay his construction workers- to have them speak to the 17 year old making pizzas, while he was "I don't know where he is".
Scientology. In the kitchen was the first person I ever met from Wisconsin (and yes for a time I had some odd thoughts about the good peeps from Madison)- probably the nicest guy I've ever known and the only person I've ever successfully Heimliched (that is not a german term for getting personal but I popped a chicken bone or mushroom outta his throat when he was choking). Ron was 100% devoted to Scientology when not working, and only 85% when he was working. He had his e-meters with him to perform audits; these simple machines "read" your energy and analyze the truth to your answers, and usually end up letting you know how screwed up you are. I always declined getting audited (probably thanks to Ron here, I learned to say "no") but enjoyed our conversations about many things but was most fascinated with his interests in Scientology and previously the Moonies.
He no longer had time for the Moonies as much of the commitment was at a faraway commune but I recall Ron describing a "fun" game of Dodgeball where participants would yell "kill, kill" and Ron's eyes popping out of his eyeglasses as he described the merriment. Ron was gentle, enthusiastic but also 6'+ and 250# so I always allowed room for him to possibly morph Hulk-like and smash, or at least yell "kill, kill" while playing dodge ball. How could you stop having time for fun like that? Although Ron described this as getting too wild sometimes, with a noticeable longing for the good old days.
How does a smart guy such as Ron get into Scientology? Self improvement? Even charmers as John Travolta.Will Smith and Tom Cruise? Why did in my 20's was i sometimes approached by young women who invited me to friendly dinners with other nice young folks? Certainly my sex appeal was a large factor in these invitations but i quickly realized that this had a recruitment feel to the invites.
A Pulitzer Prize winning author, Lawrence Wright wrote a book, Going Clear about Scientology and my hopes were that this would be a well researched work. It's a good read. While it may not win another Pulitzer it brought to me some clarity about the organization and its participants.
Thetan refers to sort of your eternal Scientology soul. Those that join Sea Org, the main internal committed group dedicated to the goals of Scientology sign a billion year contract- man, that's a lot of toilet paper in a billion years! After your life ends, your thetan self joins another body, sometimes waiting around for a baby to become your new host. As far as I can tell, the baby has no say in this so future parents if your kids act funny sometimes, it may not be your kids but just the Thetan soul of he we once knew as mr. tom cruise 350 years ago. Humans are referred to as "meat bodies". Scientology terminology is great stuff!
Scientology has a great foundation for seeking out those they see as the enemy to make life miserable for any individual or groups they perceive as spreading evil against them. Scientology was able to leverage the IRS (countless lawsuits, borderline legal harassment of individuals) to allow Scientology tax-free status as a religion. How they were able to take down a powerful institution as the IRS is very impressive.
I think I haven't written anything in awhile is part laziness but knowing that Going Clear would be my next entry also concerned that some idiot will stumble upon this page and leave something cryptic and threatening. But if so, please read the first line and go fyourself and your stinky organization.
Many of the principles of Scientology are borne from founder L.Ron Hubbard who while seeing this as a great opportunity to smooze with Hollywood types and make a lot of money, seriously believed he was on to something magical- that is when he wasn't beating his wives or berating the people around him. He is seen in Scientolgy as a prophet and a great war hero. Some of the most amusing parts of the book is when Wright takes apart every heroic claim by Hubbard of his war efforts to show the coward behind the curtain; the ego maniac who found every opportunity to duck any real opportunity to be in harm's way while claiming otherwise.
Hubbard was a best selling sci fi writer (supposedly Mitt Romney's favorite book is one that Hubbard wrote) as well as the best selling writer of Dianetics, which to some disturbance my Mom had around the house for years although never got around to reading. There is some merit in my mind to some of their principles- one of which is that Scientology is not promising some impending apocalypse in our future. More practically is their principle that by constantly examining what gives us pain, that we can face it and get beyond it. Hey, I can get behind that one. This is part of the auditing process.
As for the celebrities and Scientology's Hollywood base, perhaps because he is so busy, Tom Cruise's wives and girlfriends are often vetted for him before they even realize it, and most move in with him within 30 days of meeting the man. Scientology is led by David Miscavige now (Tom Cruise's best man at his last wedding) and as Hollywood is a great center for the organization, it stands to reason that if you are trying to get your career in show biz going in LA, this is a great place to get powerful support. Of note is Steven Spielberg for although having an excellent work relation with Cruise has avoided coming on board the Scientology train. Spielberg would be a huge recruit for the organziation-one can only imagine.
Gong Clear refers to the goal of being freed from your Engrams, the negative part of your subconscious memories- ready to embrace your $45 dollars a week from the group (of course Scientologists will point out that you will be paid the $45 even during the process of reaching Clear state). However if you try to skip out of your billion year commitment you will get a for services rendered of possibly hundreds of thousand$, and risk the disconnect from friends and family within the organization , let alone dealing with all the people you pissed off outside the organization the years you were in it. Anyone who brings anything negative to the discussion about Scientology is labeled a "suppressive".Ah, the pain. The engrams! How I wish life was simpler with a good violent game of Dodgeball.
My, time passes fast when you're kissing ass. No, not me but that phrase just came in my head, didn't know where to put it so oddly it lands here. Feel free to use it. Boys I do not recommend referencing it in any work or living environment.
So let's get back to life. We're all balancing out this loss of one key player in our lives and finding the right time for each of us to express it. Dexter's time came later than the rest of us and it is a day to day personal tumble but in the grand scheme of things, it's part of the grand scheme of all things. Got it. Tears, then steps.
Why am I so fascinated with Scientology? I'll inform. Back in the day- 17 years of old working in my first real job (Sylvia's Continental Restaurant - fine dining and pizza- go figure!), not including years of newspaper tossing. Chris Kelly, who mostly ran a construction business but also had a fairly successful pizza operation called Red Boy Pizza. He found that it may have been easier to get girlfriends with a restaurant or two- Sylvia! and when he wasn't willing/able to pay his construction workers- to have them speak to the 17 year old making pizzas, while he was "I don't know where he is".
Scientology. In the kitchen was the first person I ever met from Wisconsin (and yes for a time I had some odd thoughts about the good peeps from Madison)- probably the nicest guy I've ever known and the only person I've ever successfully Heimliched (that is not a german term for getting personal but I popped a chicken bone or mushroom outta his throat when he was choking). Ron was 100% devoted to Scientology when not working, and only 85% when he was working. He had his e-meters with him to perform audits; these simple machines "read" your energy and analyze the truth to your answers, and usually end up letting you know how screwed up you are. I always declined getting audited (probably thanks to Ron here, I learned to say "no") but enjoyed our conversations about many things but was most fascinated with his interests in Scientology and previously the Moonies.
He no longer had time for the Moonies as much of the commitment was at a faraway commune but I recall Ron describing a "fun" game of Dodgeball where participants would yell "kill, kill" and Ron's eyes popping out of his eyeglasses as he described the merriment. Ron was gentle, enthusiastic but also 6'+ and 250# so I always allowed room for him to possibly morph Hulk-like and smash, or at least yell "kill, kill" while playing dodge ball. How could you stop having time for fun like that? Although Ron described this as getting too wild sometimes, with a noticeable longing for the good old days.
How does a smart guy such as Ron get into Scientology? Self improvement? Even charmers as John Travolta.Will Smith and Tom Cruise? Why did in my 20's was i sometimes approached by young women who invited me to friendly dinners with other nice young folks? Certainly my sex appeal was a large factor in these invitations but i quickly realized that this had a recruitment feel to the invites.
A Pulitzer Prize winning author, Lawrence Wright wrote a book, Going Clear about Scientology and my hopes were that this would be a well researched work. It's a good read. While it may not win another Pulitzer it brought to me some clarity about the organization and its participants.
Thetan refers to sort of your eternal Scientology soul. Those that join Sea Org, the main internal committed group dedicated to the goals of Scientology sign a billion year contract- man, that's a lot of toilet paper in a billion years! After your life ends, your thetan self joins another body, sometimes waiting around for a baby to become your new host. As far as I can tell, the baby has no say in this so future parents if your kids act funny sometimes, it may not be your kids but just the Thetan soul of he we once knew as mr. tom cruise 350 years ago. Humans are referred to as "meat bodies". Scientology terminology is great stuff!
Scientology has a great foundation for seeking out those they see as the enemy to make life miserable for any individual or groups they perceive as spreading evil against them. Scientology was able to leverage the IRS (countless lawsuits, borderline legal harassment of individuals) to allow Scientology tax-free status as a religion. How they were able to take down a powerful institution as the IRS is very impressive.
I think I haven't written anything in awhile is part laziness but knowing that Going Clear would be my next entry also concerned that some idiot will stumble upon this page and leave something cryptic and threatening. But if so, please read the first line and go fyourself and your stinky organization.
Many of the principles of Scientology are borne from founder L.Ron Hubbard who while seeing this as a great opportunity to smooze with Hollywood types and make a lot of money, seriously believed he was on to something magical- that is when he wasn't beating his wives or berating the people around him. He is seen in Scientolgy as a prophet and a great war hero. Some of the most amusing parts of the book is when Wright takes apart every heroic claim by Hubbard of his war efforts to show the coward behind the curtain; the ego maniac who found every opportunity to duck any real opportunity to be in harm's way while claiming otherwise.
Hubbard was a best selling sci fi writer (supposedly Mitt Romney's favorite book is one that Hubbard wrote) as well as the best selling writer of Dianetics, which to some disturbance my Mom had around the house for years although never got around to reading. There is some merit in my mind to some of their principles- one of which is that Scientology is not promising some impending apocalypse in our future. More practically is their principle that by constantly examining what gives us pain, that we can face it and get beyond it. Hey, I can get behind that one. This is part of the auditing process.
As for the celebrities and Scientology's Hollywood base, perhaps because he is so busy, Tom Cruise's wives and girlfriends are often vetted for him before they even realize it, and most move in with him within 30 days of meeting the man. Scientology is led by David Miscavige now (Tom Cruise's best man at his last wedding) and as Hollywood is a great center for the organization, it stands to reason that if you are trying to get your career in show biz going in LA, this is a great place to get powerful support. Of note is Steven Spielberg for although having an excellent work relation with Cruise has avoided coming on board the Scientology train. Spielberg would be a huge recruit for the organziation-one can only imagine.
Gong Clear refers to the goal of being freed from your Engrams, the negative part of your subconscious memories- ready to embrace your $45 dollars a week from the group (of course Scientologists will point out that you will be paid the $45 even during the process of reaching Clear state). However if you try to skip out of your billion year commitment you will get a for services rendered of possibly hundreds of thousand$, and risk the disconnect from friends and family within the organization , let alone dealing with all the people you pissed off outside the organization the years you were in it. Anyone who brings anything negative to the discussion about Scientology is labeled a "suppressive".Ah, the pain. The engrams! How I wish life was simpler with a good violent game of Dodgeball.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The Most Expensive Dinner That Almost Killed Me
Rarely in recent years have Maria and I gone out for Valentine's dinner. Certainly we have had special meals at home- usually a family Valentine's celebration with a hearty ice cream dessert. This year by way of a cancelled reservation we inherited an evening out. Why not? Our dinner would be at a cozy restaurant where a friend works, who would also serve as our host.
At night's end we were fulfilled with a lovely meal, our appetites satisfied and having been treated with absolute attentive care. The presentation of the meal was elegant and sensory delights plentiful..When you go into a place and the thought crosses the mind of "I don't see any prices" and you proceed without pursuing, you smile when the check arrives. Of course deep down I didn't think we would get such a large bill but I am someone who remembers buying new record albums for five dollars and a box seat for a Giants game for ten. It would it be tacky to list how much we spent but if I symbolically used fingers as a measurement, let's say 2.5 fingers. Most importantly our experience was 4 stars and built into the price was the lack of a table turnover; that is, customers were encouraged to stay for hours, and we did. This was likely the longest we've sat at a table together in decades! An opportunity to be with Maria where she is the focus always has its rewards.
The part that kills me and almost really killed me was of one of the many appetizers that arrived our way. There were more food items and beverages that landed at our table than pitchers for the Texas Rangers (baseball references- spring training begins!). I know I should stick to my rule of not eating food that I don't know what it is but how harmless could a cream puff be? I associate a cream puff with whipped cream (early dessert). It was a cheese. A fancy funky cheese. I am allergic to moldy cheeses. Tasted good, this cheese. Started to sting, and not message in a bottle Sting but sting as a sting ray stung. Tongue and the inside of my mouth began to react. Swell. Concern.
A good sign was that my throat was not swelling and I proceeded with many glasses of water. As they paced us casually to allow time to fully enjoy each others' company, I was able to regroup without any noticeable discomfort (Maria noticed of course, "can I finish that?"). After about 30 minutes I jumped back to a delicious dinner. Of course when the check came, that was another moment of funky cheese for both of us!
.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Uncle Pappy Sideshow
Bad jokes. Good jokes. Endless jokes. The chortle. The chuckle. The kindness. The great big brother. Friend. Crazy adventures. VW Bugs and wagons. Living in his trailer on pristine acreage in Oregon. Just living. The joy of the gig. Creating an identity and a life. Visited the other side but didn't like it, and came back to us. 30 days in a coma and wakes up to see his oldest son in a devil's suit on Halloween- while other patients yell, "Diablo!" Big puppets on sticks. Giant puppets during political rallies. Friends with Big Bones. Hanging with harmonica greats. It's the blues, man. The sad blues and the happy blues. Niles and Chaplin. Civil wars and vinyl records.
Two great nicknames, three excellent children. All five full of spirit and personality. What are you talking about? is worth talking about. No Bush league this one. Tinkerer and been tinkered with. Wonder and fascination of things. Cailin is his best audience. Unique stories never surprise (although sometimes makes you look around to see who is listening) Beard before Wilson. Enjoys a good couch. The beat goes on, thankfully. Keep on keeping on, Chris!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
We Go On
In Santa Cruz for Josh and Jackie's wedding, we also spent three nights at the Beach Street Inn. We upgraded for a bigger room in case we could offer it to Ann and John, if they were to stay overnight. The rooms are all built up from the street, elevated about 100 stairs or a steep driveway. Outside our room was a large pool and around us, apparently the Santa Cruz Warriors basketball team. From our doorway you could see the ocean across the street. The boardwalk was only a block away whether that meant the beach (Maria), rides (me), or an arcade (Dext/Oliver). These rooms were all redone since 2010 and they did a nice job.
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| he's getting taller! |
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| 8 million arcade tickets gets you 2 cute stuffed animals. we all won some glasses too (dime toss) |
Days may darken but we continue on. Hopeful for joyful experiences and the warmth of the sun.
Elkus Ranch 1/17/13
Oliver invited me on an overnight field trip. Honored, I accepted. He would consider me instead of who he refers to as the boss. Then the realization that Oliver didn't want for the boss to suffer from discomfort. Sleeping quarters of one big room for 40 boys and men and another big room for 40 girls and women. I would suffice.
Elkus was wonderful. I especially enjoyed stepping in at the last moment to make hot cocoas for all the kids. I enjoyed watching the children with the animals and some time I was able to take walking trails and enjoying the beauty of the first sun after weeks of rain and clouds. Only mildly concerned about mountain lions eating my heart when walking alone at night. I promised Maria i would set up coffee for the other space- and two guys I walking with departed to walk with some Moms that were spooked. Do both of you need to walk with them, I thought?
The spitting lama was a hoot as he stood in place, as John Cleese as Mr.Faulty at the Front Desk- just waiting to tag anyone unfortunate enough to stand to close. Community eating, cooking and cleaning had its rewards and the kids learned to do chores on the ranch. I didn't like the sleeping situation so much although I scoped out the rooms early- distributing floor mats and selecting a side room for seven of us. I especially enjoyed the time with Oliver, getting up and out early Friday morning just the two of us. Also helping Killian track down his sleeping bag and supplies Thursday.
I know Oliver wanted me to go and this was to be part of my best birthday weekend ever.
Elkus was wonderful. I especially enjoyed stepping in at the last moment to make hot cocoas for all the kids. I enjoyed watching the children with the animals and some time I was able to take walking trails and enjoying the beauty of the first sun after weeks of rain and clouds. Only mildly concerned about mountain lions eating my heart when walking alone at night. I promised Maria i would set up coffee for the other space- and two guys I walking with departed to walk with some Moms that were spooked. Do both of you need to walk with them, I thought?
The spitting lama was a hoot as he stood in place, as John Cleese as Mr.Faulty at the Front Desk- just waiting to tag anyone unfortunate enough to stand to close. Community eating, cooking and cleaning had its rewards and the kids learned to do chores on the ranch. I didn't like the sleeping situation so much although I scoped out the rooms early- distributing floor mats and selecting a side room for seven of us. I especially enjoyed the time with Oliver, getting up and out early Friday morning just the two of us. Also helping Killian track down his sleeping bag and supplies Thursday.
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| Elkus cows |
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| posture of a waiting spitting lama |
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| fully loaded. please, just a step closer |
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| friends |
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| me and my bike (yes, i wore a helmet) |
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| crowd in fellas. when you say you snore, you really aren't kidding |
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| a very happy boy, with his chicken |
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| Oliver likes animals |
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| reunited with Mom |
I know Oliver wanted me to go and this was to be part of my best birthday weekend ever.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
After The Roses, There Are Thorns
My father died today. He was 92 years old. He lived in this world, born in San Francisco in 1920.
If Dad was around this is about the only worded obit he would approve of. Not much for excess, ego or detail there. Allow me the indulgence to expand some. Although the last four years since Mom died he has mostly been sad, he has enjoyed many days and moments.
He didn't miss a beat with his enjoyment of food, up to the last night he spent at home. Whenever he came across a baby or a little one, he was happy to be in their presence. Dexter and Oliver were his new buddies, and visits from Traci and Kevin him happy. He always looked forward to seeing his children, Hingee, Mike (his caretaker) and me. He loved to be a grandfather. Dexter would often visit twice a day before and after school. Dad watched (too much) television and enjoyed the old western shows and the goofy financial shows. He became obsessed with offers from Publishers Clearinghouse and Readers Digest. He didn't like to go out much (the former athlete did not want his lack of mobility to show) but when he did, he usually was pleased with the experience. He didn't look forward to many visitors outside of immediate family but after they visited (especially Mom's circle of friends dedicated to her and his well-being), he felt loved. He was excited when the SF Giants won their first World Series in 2010, and if not as thrilled in 2012, still happy that the team won their second World Series.
It was late last year that he let us know that he was willing to going out more, to do things he previously declined. He was curious about the world outside. Dad even spoke of going to a Giants game for next season. Going out to eat in different restaurants, or old places long since visited (the Wharf), or nutty places (Museum Mechanique) and recently the Academy of Sciences. After two visits, there was hope that this would continue as Dad discovered a sense of wonder again, and because of this I began to appreciate this hyped venue, as somewhere special.
Dad initiated my interest in tropical fish which is something I'd forgotten about since he hasn't had any fish in his house in 30 years. Sitting in front of tanks of clear 15 foot acrylic he was in a peaceful place gazing at the path of different fish as they swam by. I haven't witnessed him as this in a long time- certainly not in front of a television where he rarely moves or reacts.
He was perfectly willing to try the earthquake simulator (you sit in a set of a room in San Francisco and feel the rocking and shifting). By using the Academy's time travel machine, we went back to 1989 and 1906, and survived again the crashing of plate tectonics. He enjoyed lunch in the cafeteria especially our second visit when it was not as crowded earlier in the morning. Sitting by the rays,sharks he laughed when a ray spooked by another, splashed him and Oliver. Most impressive and enjoyable was our journey to the rainforest area of the Academy. First, the warmer climate is suited to Dad's preference and he was very comfortable in the moist heat. We were sweating bullets but Dad was completely comfortable.
For whatever reason, my father was a butterfly babe magnet; they gravitated to him. Perhaps it is his scent and or texture but several sets of flying wings landed on his arms, shoulders and head. Relaxed, the butterflies sat, calm and rested. They chose him! Dad was delighted to a point of absolute bemusement and joy. These moments were funny and touching for all of us. Little children would walk by pointing at the old guy with butterflies on his head. He would react with a smile and a look as "what can I do?" On our second visit just this recent Sunday (1/27) one of the butterflies landed on Dad's ear, and he said quietly to Oliver, "he's whispering something to me".
Unable to speak clearly he leaned back into me and held my hand. Gripping my palm and fingers tightly it felt as if he was holding on as hard as he could. Soon I laid him on his back and he seemed to fall asleep. At the time it he relaxed to rest and was breathing fine. I don't know when but Dad had transitioned to a coma. A break of an artery led to severe bleeding into his brain. He gave his last burst of life to me before he left holding my hand as he never gained consciousness.
Dad had fallen the night before but said he didn't feel pain. He was very confused and perhaps we should have recognized the change, by how different he acted . Persuaded to eat, he seemed to come around. Concerned about the loss of a lower tooth, he wanted us to exhaust all avenues in getting this tooth repaired, fixed by the next day before his luncheon with Mom's friends, Helen, Blossom, Bessie and May Fong. He admitted to being vain about his pretty teeth. Also he thanked us for being around and helping him "I don't know what I did to deserve you guys.". I told Dad that the returns were earned and we were happy to do so. In words this is as much as Dad would ever give, and he meant it for all of us; in the room with him, for Hingee and Mike, Traci and Kevin, and all who thought about him.
I will miss the absence of my father. Although terribly saddened I am grateful that there is no unfinished business between us. It is that absence and the loss of his smile and laugh that hurts. The feeling that Dexter and Oliver will no longer see him. George Chew, 1920-2013. A good man. My dear old Dad.
He had directed us to keep him from being kept alive in a vegetable state. Everyone at Kaiser was very helpful and compassionate. In the evening as i sat with him I realized that this would be the last night I would share with my father. A PBS World War 2 documentary my sister had selected played on the television set and I sat with Dad until midnight. I hoped that he could hear me, even if his body implied that he did not.
the title possibly goes back to Shakespeare but i took it from a song by Rosanne Cash
He didn't miss a beat with his enjoyment of food, up to the last night he spent at home. Whenever he came across a baby or a little one, he was happy to be in their presence. Dexter and Oliver were his new buddies, and visits from Traci and Kevin him happy. He always looked forward to seeing his children, Hingee, Mike (his caretaker) and me. He loved to be a grandfather. Dexter would often visit twice a day before and after school. Dad watched (too much) television and enjoyed the old western shows and the goofy financial shows. He became obsessed with offers from Publishers Clearinghouse and Readers Digest. He didn't like to go out much (the former athlete did not want his lack of mobility to show) but when he did, he usually was pleased with the experience. He didn't look forward to many visitors outside of immediate family but after they visited (especially Mom's circle of friends dedicated to her and his well-being), he felt loved. He was excited when the SF Giants won their first World Series in 2010, and if not as thrilled in 2012, still happy that the team won their second World Series.
It was late last year that he let us know that he was willing to going out more, to do things he previously declined. He was curious about the world outside. Dad even spoke of going to a Giants game for next season. Going out to eat in different restaurants, or old places long since visited (the Wharf), or nutty places (Museum Mechanique) and recently the Academy of Sciences. After two visits, there was hope that this would continue as Dad discovered a sense of wonder again, and because of this I began to appreciate this hyped venue, as somewhere special.
For whatever reason, my father was a butterfly babe magnet; they gravitated to him. Perhaps it is his scent and or texture but several sets of flying wings landed on his arms, shoulders and head. Relaxed, the butterflies sat, calm and rested. They chose him! Dad was delighted to a point of absolute bemusement and joy. These moments were funny and touching for all of us. Little children would walk by pointing at the old guy with butterflies on his head. He would react with a smile and a look as "what can I do?" On our second visit just this recent Sunday (1/27) one of the butterflies landed on Dad's ear, and he said quietly to Oliver, "he's whispering something to me".
Unable to speak clearly he leaned back into me and held my hand. Gripping my palm and fingers tightly it felt as if he was holding on as hard as he could. Soon I laid him on his back and he seemed to fall asleep. At the time it he relaxed to rest and was breathing fine. I don't know when but Dad had transitioned to a coma. A break of an artery led to severe bleeding into his brain. He gave his last burst of life to me before he left holding my hand as he never gained consciousness.
Dad had fallen the night before but said he didn't feel pain. He was very confused and perhaps we should have recognized the change, by how different he acted . Persuaded to eat, he seemed to come around. Concerned about the loss of a lower tooth, he wanted us to exhaust all avenues in getting this tooth repaired, fixed by the next day before his luncheon with Mom's friends, Helen, Blossom, Bessie and May Fong. He admitted to being vain about his pretty teeth. Also he thanked us for being around and helping him "I don't know what I did to deserve you guys.". I told Dad that the returns were earned and we were happy to do so. In words this is as much as Dad would ever give, and he meant it for all of us; in the room with him, for Hingee and Mike, Traci and Kevin, and all who thought about him.
I will miss the absence of my father. Although terribly saddened I am grateful that there is no unfinished business between us. It is that absence and the loss of his smile and laugh that hurts. The feeling that Dexter and Oliver will no longer see him. George Chew, 1920-2013. A good man. My dear old Dad.
He had directed us to keep him from being kept alive in a vegetable state. Everyone at Kaiser was very helpful and compassionate. In the evening as i sat with him I realized that this would be the last night I would share with my father. A PBS World War 2 documentary my sister had selected played on the television set and I sat with Dad until midnight. I hoped that he could hear me, even if his body implied that he did not.
the title possibly goes back to Shakespeare but i took it from a song by Rosanne Cash
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