In June of 1998, I had just completed three years working at a grammar school as the Play Therapy Guy- yeah, the actual title was "Special Friend"- as part of PIP (Primary Intervention Program) This was something I fell into but I never felt fully trained for the importance of the work, although upon reflection, I did good. And here was finally the opportunity to live the credo my Uncle Morty insisted I exist by, "Be the best special friend you can be".
The skill set involved working with children that were having a difficult time connecting to school. It was not intended for at risk students, not for the high risk kids who needed something with more structure. Teachers often would try to direct some of their "high risk" children into the program. I would take in some of them knowing that any 1:1 would do them some good, too. Regardless of how they behaved in their class, teachers were committed to(but sometimes needed to be reminded) letting the child go to his or her weekly appointment; it was not to be used as behavior modification. Here, for 30 minutes a week (12 sessions) . The goal was not for the kids to get to hang out with one of America's real cool guys but the goal was for this to be one way that they could relax, feel better about themselves and thereby find a way to connect to a school setting.
It was sweet to have my own room. My third and final year, I had a very large space to work in. The second year we had a tiny area for which sharing was difficult even between co-workers that got along well, for our sessions were meant to be separate and not intrusive. My partner, Sally later moved to a different school and although we welcomed having a place of our own- we lost the immediate feedback and support that we could provide each other. We operated out of Edgewood Family Services in partnership with the SF School District but funded by private grants. I worked at Garfield Elementary which is a school on top of a very steep Filbert Street hill, sitting just below Coit Tower.
The Birds Of Telegraph Hill. At the time, they only lived there in the park above the school. During the day they would fly over like this.
Students would walk with me to the room and in their 30 minutes, it was theirs to lead. They had ownership of the sessions. There was a lot to choose from; art supplies, board games, a big sandbox, houses with many plastic play people, a basketball hoop (about 6' high)- the play could be quiet or loud (a variable/reality is a consideration of a nearby class but my third year we had some distance from other rooms so it could be loud ). Letting the child lead instead of being led allows them to move at a pace that comforts them and puts the demands on you, not them. The guidelines are few (not hurting me or themselves), and my reactions should not be judgments but a reflection of what they are doing, or expressing. It was difficult not to say things such as "that's a nice drawing". For some of the children- the shy ones who were used to being told what they should do, this concept was at first, not a comfortable one for them. I had one child, E , who during her first session was frozen - except her eyes continually studied the room. E did not move. Uncomfortable for both of us- I probably asked if she was okay and I'm not sure if I was supposed to but had to. That day was painful but next session, she went directly to an activity that she had eyed the first time and settled in. She laughed a lot.
family at Liguria Bakery at the bottom of Filbert Street. Seemingly grouchy but always warm to babies, and talk of the Giants. Great Focaccia. As Swan's Oyster Bar is unique to that type of cuisine, Liguria is also a singular SF sensation.Some of these children were a hoot- empowered to freedom!, and freedom to be themselves, they were really clever and funny. The ones that stick with me today are the students in situations where the kids may have had the hardest time the first time in the room- not because of the room but because of where they were in their lives. Some of them may have been in the High Risk category and dealing with stuff that wasn't fair for any 6-9 year olds to deal with.
K, came into the room with a recent background of parents separated by battery and presently living in homeless shelters. He was angry and for nearly 30 minutes slammed a rubber basketball against the hoop. This might have been the only place where he could do something like this- no one was telling him to stop. Next session K was into just hanging out and decorating the room, fixing it up, providing stability. After about his eighth session, he moved into an improved living situation. Before he left, he walked over and unsolicited, shook my hand. Sometimes I wonder where he is today and I hope he, as the others are well- believing in themselves, able to find joy from darkness. Got to have hope, got to have joy.
I had few situations where I felt in situations over my abilities but the few, or one situation that I can recall was enough to know that Maria's the teacher in this family, brah! Although I would see a mental health professional once every two weeks as part of the program to confide in/ seek advice from, and had my peers to share stories with, I have a particular queasy memory. One student child enacted things with the plastic people figures to acts she may have witnessed with some unsettling detail. I didn't know you could do that with plastic play figures. I don't recall the chain of events but it involved speaking to the parent figures- real life at some point. See, I can fade out unpleasant memories. Get in an argument with me and it will be a faded recollection. Get in two arguments with me and I'll forget your name.
At lunch time I volunteered to help out during yard duty which was fun. Being present with the kids, sometimes playing some sports with them (the return of Kobe Brianyant Chew), greeting everyone and occasionally breaking up conflicts. I should have spent more time helping the kids resolve the conflicts but I was mostly concerned of this not happening on my watch, you know. And once, I made a huge thunder of a blunder. To a group of rowdy ones, I said something specific like maybe, "shut up". Ooooh, he said it. Oooooh, we're gonna tell. Oooooh, they did. And Ooooh, they should have. And I got my only unpleasant visit to the principal's office. Damn, after all these years.
Another child asked me why when explaining things, grown ups always say essentially? That was a good observation on her part. I could only come up with grown ups use this a cop out for coming up with a good solid explanation so we've learned to attach essentially to a thin reasoning before changing the subject, essentially. Second question she asked me if I was scared t
o go to the projects. Next question.Another child (from the projects, yo!) I took her to see some Stanford Women's Basketball Games and clinics, introduced her to some of the players during a benefit wherein G went to Jamila Wideman (profiled in the book, In these Girls, Hope is a Muscle) - he says that you and him are friends. Is you? I never said that but Jamila was nice enough to play along, and say, Yes we are. For instinctively she knows that I am friends with everyone (my book).
Possibly the most stunning sporting performance I have witnessed first hand was during the summer leagues basketball season at Kezar Stadium. Jamila Wideman then a Junior at Stanford was leading an Oakland team of unknowns but over achievers against a extremely favored South Bay team composed of 4/5ths of the starting National championship Stanford of just three years prior. With the most inspired leadership, the undersized but brilliant play of Wideman's, defeated South Bay in a stunning final. It was crazy.
There was a boy who was not really in the program but he used to come in during his lunch period and play basketball with me. He really played to win, and I guess so did I. On one level it was cool to be the Michael Jordan of the school. So what if at most, the kids were only big fifth graders- I'm sure to Jordan, the NBA seemed as a bunch of fifth graders. For perspective, Kobe Bryant had not yet won an NBA championship (he has five? now). But one time, J played great- he couldn't miss and had a shot up in the air that would have provided him forever bragging rights- the ball seemed to travel in slo mo - we both watched it arch upward then roll around the rim only to fall away. Whew. It's not as if I was going 100%...maybe 91%.
Another teacher, was not a favorite of the principal our first year ( her first year teaching grade 5). She had one student whose parents would leave him for three months of the year going home to China for the family business. T was clearly not happy about this and would run away. If in trouble in class, he would run out the door and out the yard, maybe to the bushes above the school or in the streets of North Beach and Chinatown. Ms. L couldn't leave her class and somehow T seemed to time it when I had the time to go find him. Detective that I am, and (then) fleet of foot I would run through back alleys, and from previous small talk with him have an idea where he might be, and convince T to come back. I couldn't make a habit of this but he liked the attention, I think.
Every Halloween we would march down the hill to Washington Square Park- I wore my bear costume (then, still a rental) and after getting punched and tackled by the older kids would regret wearing the outfit. The third year-somehow the principal agreed to my great (stupid) idea of having the bear show up on the roof announced by the principal as the Great Bear Of Halloween Present. Assembled in the school yard, the students would look up to the top of the roof, and Great Hallow Bear would appear, and make a grand meaningful announcement to the impressionable youths. I never considered that 3 classrooms of kinder-gardeners would be terrified into a screaming frenzy. I guess you live and you learn.
After three years our grant was up and although the principal offered me a tutoring job, I passed knowing that in September '98, greatness would come into our lives, in the form of Dexter Chew. And despite my enjoyment especially at graduations and some friendships I made, notably with the school counselor L.G.- the following would be the coolest five months; first a trip to London with my family and then with both Maria and I staying home, we welcomed the third member into our happy collective.
Tonight I sat down and made myself write something. I didn't have anything at first, started on another topic about Maria made me work at Peet's. This was only a paragraph in the beginning of that topic but then it brought back some nice memories and probably too many words. Oh well- Timmy won today, Beltran hit two homers, and the Giants at least have a nice run going again. And I feel good.
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